


Gravel To Tempo

by alldatwrite



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: But it's gonna be gay, F/F, Gen, Kinda, Kinda AU?, Mentions of Rape, Multiship, Regina likes vintage stuff, Sapphic Characters, Sapphic Relationships, Season 2, Time Travel, Trauma, You choose the endgame ship, Young Regina - Freeform, a lot of questioning, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:48:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28941003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alldatwrite/pseuds/alldatwrite
Summary: Regina saves Emma and Mary Margaret and absorbs a death curse. Then, she attends a party and is ignored by everyone.And then, the following day, Archie is found dead and the main suspect is Regina. The problem is... Regina is not there anymore. At least, not the real Regina.Instead, there's a young version of her, one that ended up in Storybrooke, hurt and abused.And then, the whole town will have to figure out how to send her back.Unless...
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Red Riding Hood | Ruby, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard
Comments: 32
Kudos: 120





	1. Boom Boom Ciao

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> So... yeah, I wrote a story. About young Regina being a confused small ball of hope AND anger at the same time.  
> SO, she appears in SB and everyone's like WTF?! and then Emma Snow and Ruby take care of her bc hurt magical young queen = TROUBLE!!!!!  
> And then everyone wants the real Regina back but... what if she doesn't want to go back...?  
> Whatever, I added three pairings because Ilike them BUT I want the reader to choose the ultimate pairing because I will give y'all enough reasons to want Regina to end up with all of them.  
> Anyway, if you read this messy crazy story and you like it... well... tell me!  
> XOXO

Cold. All she felt was… cold. Like she was lying on the floor. Was she lying on the floor? She couldn’t move, so she couldn’t know it. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t open her eyes. She heard some noises, some people gathering around her, but she didn’t have the strength to react. She felt someone carrying her, some movement… but she was too weak to move.

-

Down at the hospital, everybody kept waiting for an answer. For some doctor, some nurse to get there and tell her what was going on with the 20-year-old girl they had found unconscious. Ruby had been the one to alert everyone about Archie: he had been found dead on his apartment, and it only took the whole town some hours to find out it had been Regina. How obvious. Emma knew it couldn’t be, that Regina was changing, that she wouldn’t throw away all the effort she had made to prove Henry she was still a good person. That’s when the whole town told the Charmings to go to Regina’s place, to execute her. Snow believed there should be a trial. David was tired of giving the brunette second chances.

When they arrived, though, they had to force the door in order to get her. She was lying on the floor, unconscious, unable to move. Her cheek was sliced from the inside, her nightgown was ripped, her knees were bruised just like her knuckles. She was a mess. And, worst of all, she wasn’t Regina. Well, she was, but she _wasn’t_. The girl in front of them wasn’t on her 30’s, she was 20 years old at most. She had long hair, she was thin (maybe too thin, with bones poking and her skin glued to her skeleton), she was small. Not just physically, but her image was small. She was hugging herself, looking like a small ball lying on the marble floor. It was scary, to be honest.

“I have some interesting news”, Whale said, leaving the girl’s room and approaching the entire Charming committee. “The nuns have been able to heal the cuts on her left breast and right cheek. Also, they have been able to heal the internal wounds she had; she had a vagina tear and a concussion. She’s stable now, but they didn’t want to use more magic, as her own is quite strong and unpredictable as well. There is no doubt she had been assaulted. Although we healed and erased the physical wounds, we have sedated her just in case she wakes up and…”

“And what?”, Emma said.

“And she goes crazy”, Whale finished. Ruby and Emma looked at him with disgust, and Snow left, saying that she needed some fresh air. “Don’t get me wrong, Regina is powerful, but that girl… She’s not Regina, not the Regina _we_ know. She has magic, that’s for sure, but she’s not from here. If she wakes up and she can’t recognize her surroundings… she could have a panic attack of some sort”.

Again, Ruby and Emma looked at the doctor as if he was the biggest asshole on the planet, while David tried to get everyone’s attention. Regina wasn’t herself anymore, so they had to be careful. Despite Leroy’s accusations, they all agreed that the queen wasn’t stupid enough to torture herself just to get an alibi. Still, it was strange that something that unexplainable had happened to the main suspect of a murder the same day she was going to be interrogated. They still had Emma’s dreamcatcher, the proof that Regina had been there, choking Archie to death.

How could you know the truth, when magic showed you one thing, but the living proof was sedated in a hospital room?

They didn’t have much time to reflex on such question, because the young Regina had woken up. She had been restrained, and she was trying to scream.

“I will go in there, y’all stay calm”, Granny said, but before she could move, Ruby was already in front of her.

“It’s dangerous, Granny. You can’t go in there on your own”, she told the older woman.

“I know Regina and she knows me. If this is the old Regina, I’m the only person she will recognize. Let me handle this. She still has some soul”, she said, looking at her granddaughter on the eye.

“Why do you know Regina?”, Emma said, confused. Rumour had it, Regina had no friends and no family, she hated everyone on town. Of course, the blonde knew that couldn’t be true, but she had never imagined that Granny, of all people, would be Regina’s friend… or something like that.

“I was her nanny a long time ago”, the woman answered, honestly and sincerely.

“That’s the girl you worked for?!”, Ruby asked, puzzling all the pieces together. Yes, her grandmother used to work for some years with a rich family, a foreign princess. She would take care of her, until she was fired. She would often talk about her with pride, but she stopped doing so when she left. Now she understood some things.

“Yes. Now lemme get in there”, she said, not caring what anyone else thought about it. When she entered the room, Regina was struggling against the chains that restricted her. Who the hell had decided to restrict her with chains?!

“Regina, calm down, it’s okay. You are safe here”, the woman said, sitting on a chair next to small, frail girl. Now that she could look at her, she could see the young woman wasn’t that different from the teenager she had seen last time. In fact, she was just a couple years older. She was pure bone, with defined eyebags and dry skin. It was clear she wasn’t taking care of herself, which was sad. Even though she had never been a vain girl, Regina liked to take care of herself. Since she was a child, she would braid her hair and put on some make up, not to look pretty, but to try and change her image, to see who else she could be. Creative as hell, that kid would write characters and dialogues where she could be anything she wanted. Seeing such a bright and kind girl like that was heart breaking.

“Eugenia? Is that you?”, the girl said, with a smile on her face. “What’s going on? Where am I?”, she asked, concerned. She couldn’t recognize the place; it was all so… bizarre. She could recognize a window, a door, a bed. But the rest was strange, and unsettling.

“What’s the last thing you remember, sugar?”, the elderly asked her. Regina couldn’t answer, she was still so confused about it…

“I remember I was running… going somewhere…”, she told her, doubting her own words. It was all so blurry, the trees passing by, the guards shouting, the horses chasing her… the blood. The pain. The fear. “And suddenly, this… orange ring appeared out of nowhere and… I clashed against this woman… I don’t know!”, she cried in frustration. That was all she knew, all she could gather from her own mind. A ring, like made of orange sparkles; woman, black hair, and strange clothes, looking frightened. Then, they collided, and she woke up on that strange place.

As Granny tried to inform Regina of what was going on (or better said, how this world worked and how she could blend with it until she could go back home), the rest went to see Gold and the fairies, to find some answers. Based on the girl’s words, maybe the “real” Regina was in a different universe, maybe a time travel situation, while the young Regina was in Storybrooke. The “real” Regina could be of help, so they focused their energies on bringing her back, so she could be interrogated and, if innocent, then asked for help with Archie’s case. It was no easy task, but Gold was fascinated by the event, nothing like that had ever happened, so he offered his help without asking for anything on return.

In the meantime, Regina had been released from the hospital, and the best option was to put her back in her house, because no one else had the time or the space to lodge her until she could adapt to this new world. Both Emma and Ruby lent her clothes, and Snow sent hers through David. She had locked herself in her loft and she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Neither of the options suited the black haired beauty, who found Emma’s clothes too… manly; Ruby’s clothes were too revealing, and Mary Margaret’s (that was the name they all decided to use, just in case) were good, but they had something she didn’t like about them. At the end, she mixed the combination. She put her hair up in a high ponytail, she picked Emma’s military green combat boots, Ruby’s checkered jeans, and Mary Margaret’s collared blue shirt. It was a strange combination, but it didn’t look bad. Surprisingly, she didn’t miss the corsets. The blonde doctor had said that she mustn’t wear a bra (this world’s modern version of a corset) until the wound on her breast was healed, and she wouldn’t complain about it. The jeans felt comfortable, the complete opposite of the layered skirts she hated so much. The shirt was nice too, although she could notice her nipple poking, which she disapproved.

“It’s cold outside, you may want to wear this”, Emma told her, handing her a blue coat, the same blue than the shirt. It was fluffy, like made of fur, but she suspected it wasn’t, because it didn’t look very natural. Still, she welcomed it. It was a weird feeling: she liked Emma, she was nice to her, but she had a feeling she should dislike her. It made no sense, she had never seen that girl before, but she just _felt_ that she should hate her.

The two of them hopped on the strange carriage called “car”. It was yellow, a bold choice (at least in her world), but it felt warm and everything looked different from where she was standing. It was like magic, but better. It left her a feeling on her stomach that she couldn’t place, and she liked how it felt. It was exciting. They arrived at a house, a huge one that resembled her family’s. It was white, and the garden was massive. There was an apple tree. _Her_ apple tree.

“Well… this is your house, Regina. It’s all yours. You will stay here, okay? I will help you feel comfortable, and then I will let you rest. Are you okay with it?”, the blonde woman asked, with an uncomfortable smile. How ironic.

Was she okay with it?


	2. How could I ever love someone else?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, after the lovely feedback, I am here! As I said at the beginning, this will have several pairings, and as the story progresses, the reader will be the one choosing the ultimate pairing. I might have to warn you about body image issues on this chapter, but I tried to keep it light. Spoiler of this chapter: I made Snow a plus sized woman, and I had several reasons that you can skip if you want to. First of all, I am a fat girl, and it has taken me almost ten years to learn to love myself. And it hurts. And I remembered how people bullied Ginnifer Goodwin after her pregnancy, like "oh she's so fat ew", as if fat women couldn't be pretty (especially after delivering a fucking baby, which is a huge deal). And it made me mad. And I decided that SNow would have her pregnancy body back because we need more diversity on the LGBT community, and that includes fat girls. Also, it's not realistic that after giving birth you go back to how you looked a year ago. We're not ballons, we're people. We don't deflate after delivering a baby.  
> Anyway, here's the next chapter. CH 1 was swanqueen, CH 2 is snowqueen, and the next one will be redqueen. And after that, we will get deeper with the actual story. Whatever, take care kids!

When Regina entered the big house, the one she was supposed to own, she decided to investigate. This world was strange, but it felt familiar at the same time: the machines, the distribution, the use of the things. The first thing she noticed was a picture on the living room. It was her, with a little boy on her shoulders, at the beach. He looked nothing like her; god, _she_ didn’t look like herself, with a thicker body and a short haircut. She seemed happy, which was a good sign. Maybe this world’s Regina was happy, and so could she be, right? She didn’t want to go back, with her abusive husband, her insufferable stepdaughter, and a whole kingdom that hated her. Next, she grabbed an apple at the kitchen, heading afterwards towards the master’s bedroom. However, she noticed the little boy’s room, all blue and white, filled with colorful drawings of… magicians?

Without asking anyone (because she was alone anyway), she looked around the room, and chose a little book. Her mind told her it was a comic, something related with the word Marvel. It was a story. The main character was a girl named Wanda, and she loved a strange man made of metal, called Vision. After some pages, she was captivated by it. The combination of the dialogue and the illustrations was impeccable, and she liked it. It was different, so much easier to follow and so funny at the same time. After some hours, she had read all the Wanda comics she could had found. The clock on the boy’s room showed 16.43 p.m. It was still sunny outside, so she gave herself the freedom to explore her own room, her own things. The first thing that caught her attention, again, was the huge amount of clothes she owned (at least, this world’s Regina). There was just so much in that closet, more than she would ever need.

Regina looked at herself in the mirror, all skin and bone, and she hated that image. She had spent the last seven months without eating, or sleeping, or resting. She was so different from the girl she used to be before she got married, and after three years, she was still processing the reality she was living on. Well, not anymore. Maybe this world, as strange as it was, as scary and big, was her happy ending. Dreaming about a happy ending someday couldn’t harm anyone, right? Maybe on this world she could be free again. Herself.

She tried many clothes, but nothing looked good on her, so she settled for some baggy clothes, something called ‘sweatpants’ and a thing called ‘jumper’. They were red, with white details. It felt soft and comfy, and it hid her body well enough for her to feel okay. Something told her to go downstairs, and she kept looking for a room with music. Her mind told her that there was something like that, but the instructions were vague. Was it because of the woman she had collided with against when the portal opened? If she was from this world, she might have known some things she could use. She found the music room, of course, and a thing where round things called vinyl were put… what was the name…?

It was around 18.00 when Snow decided to confront her stepmother. She couldn’t hide from her forever, she had to face her someday. She was a grown up, an adult woman, and she was not going to hide from a young girl who didn’t recognize her. As long as she kept being Mary Margaret, schoolteacher and nice girl, everything would be alright.

She knocked. Once. Twice. By the time she was about to leave, the door opened.

“Hello”, the girl said. She looked so young, so innocent and kindhearted. Her Regina was back. Oh, how she had missed her. She had always kept hoping that she would come back, but she never thought that would be the way. Regardless, she was still happy about it. She was smiling at her even if it was just a courtesy.

“Hi, I’m Mary Margaret, I’m David’s wife… I, uhm… I just wanted to meet you, I wasn’t able to lend you the clothes…”, she tried to tell her, but it was hard to talk with a lump on her throat. She was back: the long hair, the no make up face, the simplicity. She was back.

“Oh, yes! Your husband told he you were sick”, the brunette responded, with that beautiful smile on her face. “Do you want to come in? Miss Swan said I should ring you if she wasn’t available, in case I needed any help”. It was innocent, really, but Snow couldn’t help but wonder if that was Regina being her usual self and testing the waters. The news spread fast, and it only took a few hours for the whole town to know what was going on, and the queen had felt it. She wouldn’t say, but she had felt how everyone had stared at her while Emma drove her home. Because of that, if she hadn’t met her before, she should worry.

And Snow understood.

She was testing the waters as well.

“I wouldn’t mind it if we talked for a bit. To be fair, I was dying to meet you, Regina”; she blurted those words out with a false self-confidence, because Regina didn’t need to worry about her. She was going to be friendly, she was going to treat her well, to become her friend. Whatever Regina needed; she would provide it for her. She would do anything to keep her, to be by her side. Sending her back where she belonged? No, thanks. She could do with a less belligerent sorcerer.

“Come in, dear!”, she exclaimed. When she entered the place, which she had never seen before (the angry mob at her doorstep didn’t count), she could see the Regina Trademark everywhere: soft neutral colors combined with black and dark browns, marble floors, high ceilings, fancy lamplights hanging, leather… It was Regina, from the door herself to the dust on the corner of the foyer. Every damn part of that house screamed in elegance, poise, intelligence, sensuality and, perhaps, a bit of comfort and domesticity. The shorter brunette lead her to the kitchen, where she sat on a stool. “Do you want anything? Water, juice…”, she asked Snow.

“I could do with some whiskey”, she said out loud, not realizing how bad that would make her look. She checked her watch; it was too soon to be drunk. It was too soon to have apple juice with you gay awakening, so it didn’t really matter.

“I’ll fetch it for you, hold on for a second”, Regina said, exiting the room. Wow, not bad. She hadn’t revealed the truth to her yet, so she didn’t need to worry. Maybe a few whiskeys could make her tell the younger woman the truth, but she had practiced before getting there. She wasn’t going to screw up her relationship with Regina. She wasn’t going to…

“I’m back!”, she said happily. Maybe too happily. What if it was a stunt, a way of fooling everyone? What if the real Regina had been there all along?

“Thanks”, she said, grabbing the glass and swallowing the content of it within seconds. Yeas, getting drunk was a good plan. Was it? Whatever.

“That was fast!”, Regina exclaimed, half amused and half surprised. “Thank me for bringing the bottle”, she added. The young witch sat down next to her, filling her glass too and raising it up. “To new friendships”, she said, looking at Snow right in the eye. Green and brown. New and old. Good and evil. The pale skinned girl raised her glass too and, after a toast, they kept drinking. Half a bottle after, both of them were tipsy enough. Enough to know what they were doing and enough to not care about it.

“It’s just that you’re _so_ pretty!”, Snow exclaimed, with comically wide eyes, leaning closer and closer to Regina. Even with the underweight and the eyebags, she was the fairest.

“No, I’m not. Have you looked at yourself?”, the brunette said back, smiling. After so many years alone, she was grateful she had found a potential friend. All she wanted was to keep her, instead of losing her, instead of…

“No, look at me! I look like an elephant!”, the princess said back to Regina. After the curse’s breaking, her body had gone back to her post-partum state, and it had been so hard to get rid of that extra weight. During the curse she had weighted 125 pounds, and now she weighted 158. Although she wasn’t obese, she hated the image that the mirror gave her back. There was no muscle anymore, and the stretch marks were still raw. The anxiety of going back home hadn’t helped either. Nonetheless, there she was, being praised by her childhood crush, being told how pretty she was. Snow wanted to keep that Regina around forever…

“Don’t be stupid!”, the young queen said, leaning even closer, with her face resting on her hand. “I wish I had your body. I wish I had your face. You are so pretty, and so cute, and just… great”; she was smiling, a sincere smile, one of those that Snow had missed so much. If only she could switch bodies with her nemesis. “Look at me, I am a bag of bones”, the brown eyed girl added.

“You weren’t like that before”, Snow blurted out, not thinking twice about what she was going to say. Regina was shocked for a moment; how could this stranger know what she looked like before? “This world’s you was thicker. You were a bombshell. You were gorgeous, and you still are”, she added as quickly as her slightly drunk brain could. But she still wanted to know _more_. “What happened?”, she asked, softly, almost on the other woman’s ear.

“I don’t know”, the witch replied, grabbing the whiskey bottle and filling her glass. “I didn’t have the strength to eat, or to sleep… It was all the same… And today I looked at myself in the mirror and… I just…”. Snow could see how her former stepmother was fighting the tears back, unable to show any weakness. Maybe Regina had always been like that. There were some traits of her that had appeared as she was becoming the Evil Queen, but some had always been there, and Snow had always been curious about them. If she could freeze one moment, it would have been that one.

But sadly, David called. He was worried about her, and she gathered her things and left. She promised Regina she would visit her soon, but it left her with a bittersweet taste on her heart.

If only she could spend a few more minutes staring at the most beautiful eyes in the whole word…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was all! Yes, no cliffhangers, I don't really like them much. As I already said, Ruby will "meet" Regina in the next Chapter, and so the triad of love interest will be complete. And after that, you guys should make a poll, because each lady will represent something different for Regina and, at the end of the day, she will have to make many choices. Thanks for reading, and as expected, I encourage you all to shre your thoughts on the story with me!!! LOVE XOXO


	3. Now playing "Paper Planes - M.I.A"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the last pairing! Now that we have the three pairing I plan on working with, I can finally develop more of them and the characters and plot in general. This one's is Redqueen, and I hope y'all enjoy it!

The next day they had a secret meeting at Granny’s. It was 6.30 and Emma, and Ruby, and half of the dwarfs were sleepy. The topic was easy: to send her back or not. While David and Gold said it was the smartest decision, Snow and Eugenia disagreed.

“That Regina was a monster”, the now official queen said, “but this Regina is an angel. She’s sweet, and caring, and she hasn’t become a monster yet. Maybe she could help us solve the case, find the murderer. She’s good, there’s good inside of her”, she told them, and David just laughed.

“Darling, when will you understand, she was always the same! She was a liar, she was deceitful! She fooled everyone around her, and that Regina is the same than this Regina. They are the same person”, he responded, trying to sneak his arm around her waist, but she pulled away.

“It’s obvious we need a solution for all this mess, but Snow is right”, Eugenia said. “This Regina is halfway to the path of evil, but in the meantime, she might help us”.

“The brat’s gonna help us? Really?”, Ruby said, in disbelief. Now that she knew who Regina was, Granny favourite kid (besides her), she kept remembering how many times, after being fired, the old lady had called her “the brat”. No more Gina, or “the princess”, but the brat. And maybe she was biased, but she knew Regina had hurt her family long before she had become evil, and maybe her evil was genetic, or some shit like that. Maybe she had always been like that, so there was no point on giving her any second chance, because she was doomed, _they_ were doomed to be screwed up by the same person over and over again.

“Who’s the brat?”, Leroy asked, still asleep.

“Regina”, Emma answered, with her eyes closed, who had heard all of Ruby’s rambling over the phone the previous night.

“Maybe we could monitor her for a while, until we figure out something. We can say it’s for her safety”, Snow proposed. That could give her some time to do something about it, to protect the young woman who was barely and adult.

“Yes, that’s a good idea”, added Eugenia. “My Ruby could move in with her, keep track of her. She’s good with people, she can detect liars”, she added to support her statement.

“What?! Why me?!”, the tall brunette whined. The last thing she wanted was to babysit a dumb, privileged bitch.

“Ruby’s right”, Snow interrupted. “Maybe I could stay with her, I am the one who knows her the most…”

“How about turns?”, Emma suggested. “Maybe Ruby can stay with her this week, the next one you keep an eye on her, then I do it…”. She was half asleep, but David loved the idea. That way, maybe her wife would stop swooning over a barely legal girl who had tried to kill her a thousand times. Some could say he was jealous, but how could he not? Snow once told him that, if he married her, he would also have to marry Regina. He took that as a joke, but as the time passed by, he realized his wife was serious about it. He had gotten married with someone who loved someone else.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Emma!”, he exclaimed happily, and tried to content himself. He didn’t want anybody to notice how glad he was about that suggestion being made.

“Then it’s settled”, Eugenia said. “Ruby will cover the first week and we’ll make a schedule. They will keep us uploaded and we can keep working on it”.

Ruby went upstairs and started packing the essentials. Snow followed her, offering to shift their shifts, but Ruby refused. The sooner she did her part, the sooner she could get rid of it. She had never liked Regina, not even when she was just the Queen. Everyone kept saying how young and stupid she was, how demanding, how vain. She was a gold-digger, a caricature. All those rumours were proven right when she became the Evil Queen. All in all, she wasn’t thrilled about having to spend any time near the brat. But then again, her grandmother had given her an important mission, and she wanted to do the right thing. However, that didn’t mean she wasn’t angry about the fact that, at her age (26 and up, she was getting older) she was wasting her time with that nonsense of a plan. She should be travelling, falling in love, anything!

But there she was. As she approached the big white house, she made her mind about it: she was going to do this, even if she didn’t like it, because that way she could help her granny, the town, and Snow. It didn’t have to be that bad, right? It was free food, free WiFi (one that actually worked), expensive bedsheets and maybe, if she played her cards right, a teenage sugar mommy. Well, no stress, she had it all under control.

She knocked the door once, twice, three times. She was about to knock again when the door opened. A shy, young woman emerged from behind it. She had seen her before, but she looked completely different after being healed: her hair was on a messy bun, a real messy bun (not those the white youtube girls spent hours on perfectioning); she was wearing silk pajamas, black and pink, with long sleeves and a booty short. It was almost April, and the warm was coming to town. When Regina hugged Granny, the tall brunette felt a pang of jealousy. That was her grandma, and the brat didn’t deserve her in anyway, not after kicking her out. Still, the entered and Regina invited them to the kitchen; again, Ruby couldn’t believe her eyes: the room was ample, with big windows that let the light in, and it was comfortable and luxurious. It wasn’t as fancy as she supposed it would be. Instead, it was more rustic, more… familiar. The whole house was big enough for anyone to lodge at least seven people. It was a familiar house, and she wondered if Regina had planned it all with the curse, if the size of the house was that big because she wanted to have children. Despite her dislike for the brunette, she had to admit that she had been a good mother to Henry, caring and, perhaps, a bit of a spoiler. She could remember how the kid would enter the diner and Regina would just glow. She gave him anything he ever wanted, and it wasn’t because she wanted to compensate anything, but because she wanted him to be happy. As evil as she was, she was a good mom.

When she was, she finally noticed how thin Regina was. Ruby was a good observer, and she knew that thin didn’t have to mean sick. In fact, she had met many girls who were thin and healthy. However, this Regina was _unhealthily_ sick. There wasn’t barely any fat on her legs, and her kneecaps were prominent. Her hands were skinny as well, her fingers weren’t no longer the elegant fingers of a queen. Even her jaw, her face, her underweight highlighting her big eyes. She looked like a Tim Burton character.

“Right, Ruby?”, Eugenia said. The wolf hadn’t listened to anything the old woman had said.

“Yeah! Of course!”, she answered nervously, trying to keep calm.

“Thank you so much, Ruby, for making the effort. I promise I will leave as soon as I get my magic back, I won’t be a bother”. Whoa, she was polite. Also, she didn’t have her magic? She should have listened to the whole conversation.

Granny left, and Ruby found herself in the middle of a huge kitchen, waiting for her new hostess to tell her where to put her suitcase.

“You seem to be adapting quite well”, she said to the shorty brunette, who grabbed the wolf’s suitcase and dropped it immediately. It was quite heavy, and the waitress had to contain a laugh. Now she understood why the queen used her magic, because she had nothing else to use in a battlefield.

“Yes, I am surprised too, in all honesty. I expected something more… chaotic”, she said, flashing her a sweet smile. Ruby was Eugenia’s granddaughter, she knew she was trustworthy; it didn’t matter if she was nervous about that help, because she was helpless in a new world where she only had the woman and her family as allies. She had noticed some people standing on the other side of the road, staring at her house. She could sense the hostility; she knew she wasn’t wanted there. She was an outsider. She would appreciate any help, even if she still wanted to go back home. “Come with me, this will be your bedroom for the week”, she told the oh so tall brunette. She had never seen any woman that tall. She explained her that her room was in front, in case she needed anything, but it looked like she would be the one who would need help.

She left the brunette some time to make the room hers and went downstairs to the kitchen. She was hungry. It was as if her hunger had returned since she had arrived, and she liked it. She had missed the joy of a meal. Thankfully, she had spent her childhood around the adults, such as the butler, the cook, or the maids. She could be like any regular person in that town. She had been informed that there would be no servants, and she couldn’t help but feel happy about it: having people around her meant treason, secrets being told on purpose, vigilance. She wanted to be free, and her full independence was the first step.

She cooked some chicken and some vegetables, with as many spices as she could find, and she told Ruby if she wanted something. The brunette said yes, and they ate in silence in that big dining table. She could see the werewolf’s discomfort, who eyed the food as if it was poison, and smelled it in a not so discreet way. Was she thinking she was going to poison her? It made her feel a strange feeling in her gut, like she was being betrayed. She wanted peace, and to live a quiet life, and murdering some potential friend was not in her plans. They ate the food in silence, with the occasional clatter of the cutlery and the sips of wine.

She was drinking, too, maybe even more than she had already been drinking in the past. It helped sleep. To Regina, sleep was something she could tolerate, because sleeping meant nightmares, and she was on the brink of breaking down again. Over and over and over again. Every night. She could deal with the eyebags and the lack of sleep if it meant some tranquility.

When Ruby went to sleep, she tidied the kitchen and washed the dishes. She had started to wear a chunky piece of a thing called plastic. Headphones. There was a little device that reproduced music through it, and Regina needed it. It was relieving, to be able to numb your mind for a few minutes, to be able to create whatever scenario you wanted in your mind based on what the music spoke to you.

She had lost track of the time, dancing with the broom as her partner, when she was surprised by the young brunette.

“I came for a glass of water, can I?”, she asked Regina, but her tone was of no question. She was being hostile too. The queen wondered if this world’s version of her had hurt the waitress in some way, and if that was the reason she seemed to despise her.

“Of course, whatever you need”, she said, with a tight smile. Ruby grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, and when she was about to leave, the short brunette talked again. “Miss Lucas, excuse me if I’m being too invasive, but… I want to apologize. For whatever reason, you seem to dislike me, and I am sorry if this world’s me hurt you in any way. I know I can’t respond for her, but this Regina wishes you no harm”, she said, as sincerely as possible. That was all she wanted, to apologise for something she must have done in the past, in this realm.

Ruby turned around, facing her, frozen on her spot.

“Well, _Your Majesty,_ don’t apologise if you don’t feel it. If you don’t know what you did wrong, you can’t feel it, and that would be just another empty apology”. She went back to her bedroom, not bothering to check if her words had hurt an already hurt girl.

As for Regina, she retired to her bedroom and texted Mary Margaret, the only person besides Eugenia who had been nice to her since she had arrived there. She just wanted to tell her how she felt, but she deleted the message as soon as she sent it, regretting it. She wouldn’t be a bother to anyone in there.

It was too late already, because Mary Margaret had read it.

Late at night, Ruby was still awake, texting Emma. What had started as a funny cry for help had turned into an analysis of Regina. Her body, her attitude, and even her cooking.

_At least the old Regina had a nice booty. This one is just insipid,_ the brunette texted.

**I think she looks cute** , Emma replied.

_You wanna bang her?,_ Ruby asked, containing her laugh. The brat wouldn’t stand a chance with someone like Emma.

**Ruby, she’s practically a child. Don’t be ridiculous.**

_I would do her._

Ruby thought about it. Would she do Regina? Regardless of the underweight and the dead girl walking looks, she could see the charm of a woman like Regina. It didn’t matter though; she was damaged enough to get involved with someone as poisonous as her. Even if she had apologized for something her old self had done. Even if her cooking was excellent. Even if she was a blank canvas of new opportunities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you can see, we have three different approaches. Swanqueen as the girl who does not know your previous self, the worst you, but is willing to give you a chance; Snowqueen as someone who has seen the worst of you but still has hope on you changing and being better; and Redqueen as someone who only knows what others have told her about you and can't trust you just yet. So, each pairing will have a different dynamic, that's why I would like to write all of them, but I also think that one of them should be endgame and prevail. Which one do you think should "win"?


	4. ... but who could ever stay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going with SwanQueen for this chapter, with some Henry thrown in the middle. From this point, each chapter will have a different pairing but it won't be exclusive, I want everything to start coming together, and I want the reader to see a progress and to be able to compare the different characters. Again, I remind you all that I want you to choose the pairing you like the most, because of all of them could be possible. Now, enjoy some mother-son bonding and some parting Regina!

They spent a full day without talking to each other, but by the second day they said ‘good morning’ to each other. It was a weird atmosphere: Ruby was discharged of her job that week, so it wasn’t like she had much to do, but she couldn’t do anything else because she had to monitor Regina. When Granny called her that morning, she told her that everything was fine, which was true. Everything was running smoothly. The brunette had been exploring this world’s culture and she had worn mor than five outfits per day, trying to find her style. Nothing harmful. No danger yet.

It was after lunch, which they had on separate rooms (Ruby with her laptop on her bedroom and Regina on the living room, watching some musical film), when Regina finally left the house. Ruby had to go with her, of course she had, but Emma would be there too. The blonde had asked Regina if she wanted to spend the day with her and Henry, her son. Regina didn’t know that the kid was hers too, so Emma kept saying it was his.

It had been Henry who had asked Emma about seeing his mom. He missed her. Despite the many mistakes she had made the last few years, he still loved her, and he was starting to see the reality: his mom was not black or white. She was complicated, and she had many flaws, but she also had many good things inside of her, and he missed her. He missed the bed stories, the sugary breakfasts on the Sundays, the summers at the beach. He missed her, and now it was like he had a replacement. She was his mom, but not quite.

He could feel that when she arrived next to Ruby at the park. She was wearing her glasses, those metal thinned framed glasses she only wore at home; she wore a pair of ripped, mom jeans she hadn’t wore since he was a little kid, and a lilac cropped cardigan over a plain white tee-shirt. It looked good on her.

The pair was not comfortable around each other, it was visible, but Emma knew it was like that, and that it couldn’t change yet. It was odd, an odd system of control and protection, but she hadn’t been there when the Evil Queen was on the loose, so she couldn’t judge it. She just wanted her son to spend some time with his other mom.

“Regina, this is Henry, my son. Henry, this is Regina, a new resident of the town”, the sheriff said, nervous about the outcome of it. Would the boy react well to the fact his mom was young enough to be his older sister?

“Hello, Henry. It’s nice to meet you, your mother has told me wonderful things about you”. Henry knew that wasn’t true. Regina was the praiser. Emma just did the bare minimum, and he didn’t need much more, but he knew which role they had. Regina was strict, perhaps, but she was always speaking her mind, whether it was because she was proud or because she was disappointed. Emma was more of an action type of mom: she didn’t talk much, but she did things. So did Regina, but it was different. They were different. However, he smiled at her and invited her to play in the park. It was empty, all the kids were playing in the streets, but Henry liked the forest. He took that from Regina, who would take him there sometimes, with picnics and his bike.

The reached the swings, and they sat there.

“So, you’re new here?”, he said, swinging just a little bit. The day was sunny and a welcomed breeze kept them a bit cool, but they were wearing warm clothes anyway. He was worried about her, she looked so thin and so miserable, he had never seen her like that. There weren’t any pictures of her as a child, so Henry had never known what her mother looked like when she was his age. Now, he could see a piece of her. He had always thought that she had adopted him when she was 21, because she was 31 when he left to find Emma, and he was ten. Now, he knew she had been 31 for 28 years, which meant she was supposed to be… 59. Well, she was 20 now, but he still wanted to check. “How old are you? I’m 10 but I will be turning eleven in September. The 11th. Did you know I was born the same day a terrorist attack happened in New York? It’s my favourite city ever, I got that from my mom”, he said, rambling. He wanted to give her information so that she could trust him. She didn’t know he liked New York because Regina liked New York, though, just like she didn’t remember his birthday.

“Oh, yes!”, she said, laughing softly at all the information. “Well, I just turned 21, in February. The 1st”, she said, mimicking his words. “I wasn’t born in any special occasion, just in a really warm day of winter. And, I don’t really have any special place, just my kingdom”.

“Where you come from? Like, where the portal thing happened?”, he asked. Cool, she had never lied about her birthday. So, she was an Aquarius. She liked them.

“Not really, I come from a different kingdom, a southern one. That kingdom is… where I live now”. Regina hesitated on saying that it was her husband’s kingdom, so she decided to tell a half truth. Half truths were always the best option when you had to hide something from someone.

“Would you like to go back there?”, the kid asked.

“I don’t know”; she looked away, where Emma and Ruby were standing, talking. “Hey, do you wanna do some research?”, she asked him. He hadn’t heard that come from her mouth since he was a kid with a tricycle. This Regina was funnier that the other, and he liked it. With some luck, he could stop eating vegetables forever.

They asked Emma, who of course said yes; Regina was trustworthy, and she could detect the lies. This was a brand-new girl, no trace of malice in her whole being. She wouldn’t hurt a fly, especially not her own son. The pair left to explore the woods.

And so, Emma lit a cigarette up and sat on a rock.

“Really, Emma? What’s the point of monitoring her if she’s gonna run away with a little kid?”, Ruby reprimanded her.

“Come on, Rubes, you wanted to fuck her last night, what has changed?”, Emma asked playfully. She trusted the girl, and if she said she came from another world, then she wasn’t the Regina they all knew. In fact, if it was Regina underneath that cover of the poor abused girl, something would have happened. Instead, nothing bad had happened. Ergo, this Regina was just a regular girl with a tight ponytail and some stylish clothes.

“First of all, just because her old self was hot it doesn’t mean I like her in any way. Second of all, we can’t trust her yet, we barely have any information about her”, the brunette declared, crossing her arms over her chest and adopting a defensive posture. “I know you promised Henry that you would protect her, but we don’t know her!”.

“Ruby, look at her. She was torn apart. Do you really think that Regina would to that to herself just to hurt us?”

“Have you seen Gone Girl? She’s a medieval Amy Dunne”, the waitress said. “Besides, she’s always smiling and being so polite, with her ‘thank you’s and her ‘please’s. That’s sketchy”, the brunette confirmed, keeping the same posture. Was it? It was certainly obnoxious; it made her nervous to see the girl always so happy. She had to admit, though, that it was nicer than the original Regina.

“Ruby, you really think she raped herself? You’re losing your grip”, Emma said, finally getting angry. Did anyone on town knew how it felt? They didn’t, otherwise they wouldn’t be judging her like that. She could see why Regina was always smiling, she wanted to stay there.

She left Ruby, throwing the cigarette to the ground, and stomping on it so it wouldn’t cause a fire. She checked on Henry; he was having fun. That was all that mattered.

The day passed by, and Regina was reading a book when someone knocked on the door. It was Emma and Mary Margaret, wearing party clothes and carrying alcohol bottles. Ruby greeted them, and Regina tried to hide. She hated that the brunette had taken the liberties of inviting people over when it wasn’t her house to start with, but she wouldn’t complain. She would put a nice face and pretend it didn’t matter.

Nevertheless, it was too late for her.

“Regina, it’s so good to see you again”, Mary Margaret said, hugging her. The short haired woman was wearing a long black skirt and a thing long sleeved blouse, cream coloured and a bit wrinkled. The blonde, on the other hand, was wearing a red dress, tight and short. It was a bizarre mix, but she was wearing the same pajamas she had worn when she met Ruby, so she couldn’t complain. The other brunette was wearing a red tank top and booty shorts.

And without knowing how, she found herself being part of a circle, with alcohol in the middle and a dice.

“So, the game goes on like this: Regina is one, I am two, Snow is three and Emma is four”, she said. Regina noticed the ‘snow’ detailed, but she preferred not to ask. If it was her nickname, she was fin with it. “Now, the 5 and 6 are special. If I get a 5, I can ask all of you a question, and you have to answer; if I get a six, you all will ask me a question. Are getting it?”, she asked, and everyone said they did, so Regina said the same thing.

She threw the first dice, and the number was three. She had to ask Mary Margaret a question.

“Uh, I…”, she was struggling. What could she ask her? “What’s your age?”, she asked. She wanted to keep it light.

“I’m 23, I’ll be turning 24 soon”, the woman replied. She was surprised she was that young, but she didn’t say a word. Again, not her business.

“My turn”, Ruby said, with a mischievous grin. Her plan was quite simple: to ask Regina some personal questions, and if the brunette didn’t want to answer, she would have to drink a shot of whatever she chose. That way, she would be drunk, and it would be way easier to find out stuff about her. She rolled the dice and she got a four, so she would ask Emma. “Well Emma, this question’s for you. Which one of us would you bang?”. She knew the blonde wouldn’t say ‘Snow’, because she was her mom, so it was either Regina or her.

“I know you need me to fuel you ego, so I’m gonna say ‘Regina’. She’s classier than you, she’s nicer than you, and she’s shorter which is kinda cute”, the savior said, sticking her tongue out. She wasn’t gonna bait.

“Okay girls, my turn”, Snow said as she collected the dice and threw it over the mattress. She got a one. She got Regina.

“What’s your middle name?”, she asked her. She was going to keep it innocent, that was her intention. She wasn’t going to follow Ruby’s planned. She loved her, she was her best friend, her sister, but she knew that the werewolf liked to spice things up, and she was dealing with a fragile girl, she wasn’t going to make her feel uncomfortable.

“Victoria”, the witch answered. A simple answer, but powerful. Now they all knew her middle name. Snow had always wondered what her full name was. Regina Victoria Mills. It suited her.

After an hour of questions and shots, they were positive they would be hungover the next morning. Then, the most inflammatory question arose.

“So, I got Regina”, Ruby said, trying to focus. She was losing some grip after five shots of Tequila. “Now, tell me, sweetie, have you even been with a woman?”, she asked, with raised eyebrows and a sexy smile. Regina stopped laughing. Snow told her she didn’t have to answer that. She took a shot. “Such a shame, I could teach you if you want”, she proposed. Regina choked on the alcohol. Emma ripped the dice from the girl’s hand.

There was a silence.

“I’m tired, I think we should call it quit, right?”, the blonde said. It had been enough. Ruby had spent the night making personal questions, and it was tolerable for some time, but she could sense Regina’s anxiety.

She tried to get up, but she was drunk enough to fall asleep right there. Snow tried too, but she was clumsy, and she almost hit the floor. The only one who was mildly sober was Regina, her tolerance for alcohol was impressive. Somehow, they ended up in Regina’s bed, with their underwear on (except for the queen, who was already wearing her PJ’s). They couldn’t move, because they would trip and fall, and Emma and Ruby were on the extremes. At least she was with girls. At least she wasn’t drunk. It didn’t matter, though, because she was the first to fall asleep.

“Do you like her?”, Ruby said, staring at Snow, the one that had been cuddling the queen for hours. She felt extremely jealous of how her friend had reacted ever since the brunette had arrived. It was as if Regina was taking everyone she loved away from her. Snow was combing Regina’s hair with her fingers, and Ruby could only observe. She was next to Regina, too, but she didn’t want to move.

“I’ve always liked her”.

“Do you love her?”, she tried again.

“When have I not?”, Snow answered.

“Are you _in love_ with her?”, Ruby asked, once more. Snow didn’t answer. She closed her eyes and Ruby turned around, and Emma, who knew how to pretend you’re asleep, heard the entire conversation. What kind of question was that? If Ruby had asked her the same thing, she wouldn’t have been able to answer. She didn’t know the answer, because she knew it wasn’t a “no”. If it wasn’t a ‘no’, then… what was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... end! I hope you guys liked it. We will discuss the consequences of the party soon, and we'll see what other things concern our queen. Also, she will be making some choices quite soon. Thank you for reading and don't hesitate on telling me your thoughts about it.


	5. All The Things She Said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter, as I am sure you have already figured out, is gonna be SnowQueen. Some aftermath of the party, some inside thoughts, some Regina background and some questioning. Not much to add, it's more of a filler to get some data about our queen, and some other perspectives. I hope y'all like it! This is being so much fun, and I really look forward to write this story everytime I have my laptop near me. As always, I really appreciate you reviews. I read them all this morning on the bus, and I want to thank you girls and gays for supporting my story and showing it such love <3

The next morning, Regina was the first to wake up. She exited the bed as easily as she could, and she picked up the alcohol bottles. She needed to tidy everything around her. It was a mania of hers, to make sure everything around her was clean and ready to be used. She couldn’t tell where she got that, probably from her mother, who would always make a mess of everything. She remembered when she became a ‘woman’, with blood spilling through her legs and staining her dress. She was not ready; she wasn’t even eleven, and her mother made her wash the dress until it looked good. It didn’t, and she spent hours trying make it look good. She got punished.

She got the iPod and the headphones and started cleaning. The major mess was upstairs, but she didn’t want to disturb anyone, so she started with the kitchen and the living room and made breakfast. It was art for her, to be able to combine things and make a wonderful a wonderful dish. It really took some talent. Maybe she didn’t have it, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do something nice with the elements she had on the fridge. Just like food, cleaning was cathartic: it helped her clear her mind and forget how ruined everything around her was.

She spent an hour there, just cooking, when someone knocked on the door frame. Even with the music on the background, she could hear it. She could never focus on her own thoughts; she was always aware of her surroundings.

It was Snow.

“You cleaned all this by yourself?”, she asked the brunette, leaning on the wooden frame. She had always noticed how Regina seemed to do her own cleaning, regardless of the many maids at her service. She never understood it, probably because she was chaotic.

“Well, someone had to”, the queen said with a sincere smile. She wanted to add that it wasn’t any type of insult towards the pale skinned girl, but her friend smiled.

“Your old you used to do this too, cleaning”, Snow said, offering her help with the broom.

“If you can’t fix your life, then at least fix your house”, Regina responded with a smile. She had been like that since she was a child, laughing at her own issues just to make them bearable. But Snow caught the meaning of that sentence and approached the girl.

“Do you want to talk about something?”, she proposed, with a tentative hand touching her forearm. “I read your message, the other night. I’m here for you. I may not understand where you come from, but I got you”, she assured her. She could see how Regina was struggling to be open with her. Had she always been like that, hiding behind a façade of smiles and sarcasm?

“It’s nothing, I just… I like to lean, to tidy everything around me. My mind is… kind of a mess… and this I can control, so…”, she wanted to hug her, but she feared the brunette would reject her. “Nevermind, I’m fine. I’m great, actually”, she added, with another smile that looked less honest.

“Then why did you text me that?”

“Text you what?”, Regina said, trying to keep up her good face.

“That you needed a friend, that you wished I was there”, Snow said, looking at those brown eyes. She had even screenshotted that message, a second before the brunette before here had erased it. She hadn’t been able to sleep a wink that night, worried sick about her former stepmother. She was hurting, she could see that. She was older now, wiser, and she remembered how Regina would pretend. All the time. And she fell for the lie for years, but now she could recognize the reality behind it all.

She could kiss her right there.

Emma entered the room, stumbling, still drunk. Snow realized she had to go home. That was not her place, she had no place in Regina’s life. Not _that_ way.

“Morning, motherfuckers”, the blonde said with a low voice. She sat in a stool and grabbed her head with her hands. How embarrassing. She had gotten drunk in front of Regina, for whatever reason. It was the worst thing she could have done, because now the brunette had seen her in a bad state. “By the way, thanks for letting us stay. We appreciate that”, she said, smiling goofily.

“No problem, you were… not in a good situation. What kind of person would I be if I kicked you out like that?”, Regina said, smiling. She had liked the way Emma had stood up for her. She couldn’t compare it with anything else because she had never had anything like that before. It was nice.

“I should probably go, David must be worried”, the princess said, gathering her purse. She didn’t feel like being there, seeing Emma and Ruby making eyes at Regina. She was way out of her league. Ruby could give her legs for days and wild adventures, and Emma shared a kid with her. All she could give her was… nothing. There was nothing she could give her. Not now, not ever.

She was walking home when she got a text from Regina. She had sent her a playlist. She had sent the brunette one of her favourites before, and now she was returning the favour. She listened to it on her way back home and imagined herself dancing with Regina under the moonlight. One song in particular stood out. She spent the day with it on replay.

Everyone could feel it, Snow was absent. She barely paid attention to whatever David had to say, and Henry had lost her by the time they started the second Avenger’s film of the evening. Emma hadn’t even tried, a tension settled between them. She had no idea where that tension had come from, but it was unpleasant.

“That’s my mom’s fav avenger”, the kid said, taking some popcorn out of the bowl. David shifted uncomfortably, angry at the mention of the Evil Queen. It was interesting how Snow had spent two hours with the phone except for then, that very moment when Henry shared some information about her adoptive mom. He knew what it meant. Anger invaded him.

He knew of Snow’s feeling towards Regina, but this was stronger than that. It was almost as if he was being replaced. And he understood since the very beginning that they had a special connection, that Snow owed Regina so much, like all her ideals, her moral. But this was too much to take, to much to tolerate. He loved Snow, but Snow didn’t love him. Not the way he wanted. There was someone else, and honestly, how could he compete? He could get it: Regina was elegant, smart, beautiful. A murderess, yes, but she was good at what she did. If Snow had seen the best of her and the worst and still adored her, there was nothing to do. It was like fighting against a goddess. And to make things worse, she couldn’t blame _this_ Regina. She was young and desperate to fit in, to make friends. She had no clue of what was going around her, and considering the Forest’s mindset, chances were she didn’t even consider falling in love with a woman. He decided to get some fresh air. He walked around for a bit, taking in everything he was discovering. He knew the spark was not the same, but he was slowly starting to realise he was losing his best friend. Snow wasn’t just her wife, but her best friend. And losing someone like that was painful enough without the ‘lover’ part of the equation. It he added that into the mix, he was lost. He had been for some time. He felt complete when he met Snow.

David ended up running into Regina, the one person he didn’t want to see at all. She was buying some halal food in the only halal and kebab place of the whole town. She looked a bit better, with a cherry dress and a bomber jacket on top. She looked like just another regular girl, and he was starting to understand Snow, after all. It was hard to think of that woman as a mass murderer.

“Good evening, David!”, she said cheerfully when they crossed paths.

“Hello, Regina. How’s everything going?”, he asked, as polite and neutral as possible.

“Everything is great. How’s Snow?”, she asked, and his alarms went on.

“Snow?”, he asked back, disturbed by it. The whole town had agreed on not calling her that, opting for ‘Mary Margaret’ instead.

“Yeah, isn’t that her nickname?”, she asked confused. Had she crossed any line?

“Oh, yeah! Absolutely. Yeah, she’s fine, resting. She was a bit hungover”; David tried to salvage the situation. For whatever reason, it seemed as the brunette was still clueless about what was going on around her. It was good. Okay, relax. The exchanged some pleasantries, and they finally parted ways. It was late at night when a faint light woke the blond up.

Snow had barely eaten, like she had been doing since her body changed, and she had gone to bed early. She was on her phone, listening to that playlist, when she got a message from Regina.

_Can I ask you a question?_

_You don’t have to answer_

**Of course, tell me**

_Have you ever been with a girl?_

Snow pondered the possible questions she could answer. Yes, she had been, with Ruby. It was just sexual, but that didn’t make it any less important. Her best friend had been her first time.

**Yes**

_And how is it?_

Again, she was unsure of what to reply.

**It was good. It was fun. It wasn’t really a big thing, just friends fooling around.**

She saw the double check from Regina’s side. She waited for a few moments, but her friend didn’t answer. Snow put the phone away. Had she screwed up their entire relationship?

She couldn’t stop thinking about that one song in Regina’s playlist. She couldn’t stop thinking about All The Things She Said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's all! I know this chapter isn't that exciting, but I think we need chapters with calm and simple moments, too. Again, don't be afraid of sharing your thoughts. Also, should I give you my twitter? I see a lot of authors do that, but my account has nothing to do with wrtiting, and most of the stuff is multifandom (and me talking to the void about my shitty life, lol). Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for your support and love!!


	6. New Romantics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, with this chapter, round two of the pairings is completed! I haven't written the next chapter yet, but I would want to start intertwining the stories and pairings to see how they "live" with each other. As you might have guessed, this is RedQueen. Finally some action happening, but you didn't hear it from me!! I hope you enjoy this chapter and that you let me know, I love to hear your thoughts even if I can't always reply (I post the chapters when I have a break and then I check every once in a while the comments section when I'm riding the bus or smoking a cig between College courses)

Only one more day to leave, yet Ruby felt guilty. Ever since the party, she had spent the last 48 hours thinking how she could fix it. She had to admit she had been a jerk to Regina. Despite how much she had messed up, the girl was being as nice as ever, making food for two and cleaning the house. She felt horrible about it. Maybe Emma was right, and Regina was just trying to have a regular life, like any other girl her age. She had heard her crying in her sleep, being a fighter against a monster that only existed in her head. She was sorry.

And because she didn’t know how to say sorry, she made it up by doing the grocery shopping that day. She bought the girl all types of sweets and candies she could find. She also bought her candles, and she replaced all the alcohol she had drunk before.

She was going to apologise.

“Hey, can I come in?”, she asked through the door. She waited until the brunette opened the door. She was wearing on those messy buns, and she was covering her chest with a tee-shirt.

“Is everything okay?”, Regina asked. She was half naked and she had no idea what Ruby wanted, not after the way she had behaved. She wouldn’t admit it, but it had hurt her. But the tall girl was getting out of her house soon, so she would swallow her feelings until it happened. Then Emma would be there for a week and Henry would be there. She liked him, and it made her want a baby. She had imagined her family many times. She wished she could have kids in the future. Little kids with curls and brown eyes, calling her ‘Mama’, sleeping with her when they were afraid. Kids that wouldn’t fear or hate her, because she would be a good mom.

“Yeah, I just… I wanted to apologise. I was a bitch the other night”, she said, with shame and a creeping blush. She handed Regina a bouquet of lollipops, that simulated a bouquet of flowers. She hoped the witch forgave her, she hated herself for letting her jealousy take over her.

“Uhm… thanks, Ruby, that’s really sweet. It’s okay, you don’t have to worry”. It was the first time ever that Regina had heard anyone apologise for hurting her. She appreciated it, but it left her speechless. She smiled shyly, trying to assure the green eyed (or was it grey?) girl that it was all okay.

“I was thinking that”, she said before Regina could close the door, “maybe you want to live a normal life. Maybe I could teach you how it’s done. Clubbing, going shopping… maybe I could show you the makeup trends, the hair trends… just so you can blend in better. Maybe it’s helpful. I really wanna help you. I promised my granny I would, and I wish someone had helped me when I was a teenager”, she added. Hopefully, Regina wouldn’t take that as an insult.

The brown eyed girl pondered that for a moment.

“Okay. Let me get changed and… we can… start, I guess?”.

“Great, I’ll wait for you in the garden, it’s a good day and we should make the best of it”, she said. It worked! It worked and it felt good. Such a pretty girl, so smart, with such potential… she could be whatever she wanted, and Ruby meant it. She wished someone had told her some things when she was younger, that someone had taught her useful things. Snow was good, she had always been the best, but a princess was not realistic, and knowing which fork you have to use is not really necessary.

She waited patiently downstairs, chewing gum and staring at the sky. When Regina showed up, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She was wearing a yellow dress, mid skirt, with and orange belt around her waist. It was buttoned up on the front, but the brunette hadn’t buttoned it all up. There was a little skin showing. She was wearing squared blue heels, matching the baguette bag. She had put a silk scarf around her bun. She wasn’t wearing makeup. Dress from the 70’s, bag from the 90’s; a risky choice, but she made it look put together and, honestly, only someone like Regina could do that. She looked healthier that she had looked a week before, even if there was much work to do. She looked adorable, and there was no doubt that whatever version of the queen was there, she would be stylish.

“You look amazing!”, Ruby exclaimed, clapping at the girl, who turned around and bowed to her, smiling. She wasn’t comfortable with praises, but she could do with the applauses.

“Thank you, Ruby. I think this is my thing. I really like this”, she said. Surprisingly, Regina Mills had colorful clothes in her closet. Who would have believed it?

“Well, girl, let me tell you, you look like the newest America’s bombshell”. She wasn’t sure if that was the best compliment she could give her, but it was the best she could do. “Well, our first lesson of the day is going to be social media. We need Facebook, Instagram, Twitter… You will love this!”

They spend the day creating profiles for her. Instagram came on last place.

“What username you want?”, Ruby asked, but Regina had no idea. Her real name seemed too obvious, so she gave it a thought.

“What about Gina V.?”, she proposed. It reminded her of a group she had discovered, Boney M. She really liked their music, and she thought it would be funny to play with her full name.

“Cool but let’s make it _GinaV_. How does that sound?” Ruby suggested. She hadn’t ignored the way Regina’s eyes seemed to shine under the sun, the way she crossed her legs, how beautiful her smile had made her look every time she smiled. She was one of the prettiest girls she had ever met.

“You’re the expert, so you choose”, she told the waitress. And she wasted no time in setting up the profile, asking for a picture. Regina stole Ruby’s heart shaped sunglasses, with a thick red frame, and put them on, laying on the grass. She was starting to see the appeal of the girl, and why Snow had always wished she was back. This Regina was funny, careless, wild. She liked it. She got on top of the girl to take a picture of her face, a side smile and her eyes covered by the glasses. She looked beautiful, with shorter strands of her hair framing her face. She looked like a Rockstar, like Lana del Rey, like a model taken out of a magazine, like an Oscar Winner actress.

“Do you like it?”, Ruby asked Regina, sitting close to her, showing her the picture. And of course, Regina liked it. The girl in that picture looked nothing like the wrecked bride she still was. That was the Regina she aspired to be. She posted that as her profile picture and she posted it on her feed, with the caption “Baby, put on your heart-shaped glasses, ‘cause we’re gonna take a ride”.

The whole town heard about it. Several people commented on it. Some people said it was a stunt, some people said it was a change. Emma knew it was a revolution within Regina. Snow knew it was a symbol of hope.

Ruby and Regina kept up with their schedule, eating pasta and having ice cream, buying stuff, like the several types of Polaroid cameras Regina insisted on getting, and even getting a tattoo. Maybe it was wild, but Regina didn’t know if she would have to go back, and she didn’t know _what_ would happen if she went back, so she took the risk. She started living life to the fullest when she was 21.

Ruby adored it. The girl had money, class, and the will to do crazy things, and she couldn’t be happier when the brunette said yes to the tattoo. She even offered to pay for Ruby’s, but the werewolf wanted to spend her money. She had earned it; she was going to spent it.

“It wasn’t that painful”, Regina said, and Ruby was amazed. She had gotten a tattoo so close to her breast, it was impossible she hadn’t felt it. “What did you get?”, she asked, curious.

“I got ’44. It’s the year my granny was born. I wanted to keep her close to me, to remember her forever”, she replied, and she was being sincere. Ruby was aware that Eugenia was getting old, that she would be soon retiring, and she wanted to make the most of her time with her. She had raised her, she had taken care of her. She loved her. “What did you get?”, she asked Regina.

“Prisoner, but crossed out. I had a scar and I thought I could get advantage of it. I used it as a guideline. She showed Ruby a picture of it. She had indeed a scar by the side of her left breast, almost by her ribcage, and the clean line was visible, but the tattoo artist had made a good work with it. The word was written with a hand write type of font, and a thick, red line crossed it. A way of saying that she wasn’t a prisoner anymore.

“Are you sure it didn’t hurt?”; there was no way Regina hadn’t felt uncomfortable about it.

“It stung, but it’s nothing I can’t bear”, she assured her, with another smile. Her smiling was still unsettling, but she was starting to like it. It was better than a condescending look.

They walked home, made diner (frozen pizza and ice cream), and played videogames. Then, the big elephant in the room.

“Have you ever been with a woman?”, Regina asked, not facing Ruby, trying to keep killing zombies. She didn’t want to look at her in the eye, but the question the brunette had asked her that night had been nagging her.

Ruby took some time to answer.

“Yeah. Why you asking?”, she said, casually, like it didn’t matter. It did. She was panicking.

“You asked, and you said you could teach me. I was just curious”.

“We all have kissed a girl when we were teenager, it’s no big deal”.

“I haven’t”. Regina dropped the bomb and Ruby paused the game. What? That made no sense, she was always so flirty, so charming. There was no way she hadn’t.

“And do you want to?”, tentatively, she pronounced those words. She wouldn’t oppose to kissing a pretty girl.

“It wouldn’t hurt to try, right?”. She was being shy, and Ruby questioned for a moment if that was a good idea. Regina had been through so much; she didn’t know if it could be beneficial for her.

“If that’s what you want… I can help you”, Ruby said. She turned her face and caressed the brown eyed girl’s face, her jaw, her neck. She got closer, leaning in. She was much taller than Regina, almost 15 cms, and she was going to make it easy on her. She got closer, slowly, and their lips connected.

And it wasn’t magical, like in a fairytale, but it was good. Regina was a good kisser. A chastised one, so pure and timid, so careful. Ruby leaned in closer, putting her hands around the skinny thighs, afraid of hurting. It was like a bull in a china shop, only the bull didn’t want to break the china. To her surprise, Regina deepen the kiss, putting her hands around the girl’s face. She dragged her teeth slightly over Ruby’s lips.

Wow, she was feisty. She didn’t part until she needed to breath.

The shorter brunette had leaned on, and she found it difficult to get farther from Ruby. She had never experienced a kiss like that before.

“That was… just…”

“Yeah, I know. I’m… I just… like, wow… right?”, the taller brunette said back, knowing that her words made no sense. How could she? Such power locked inside a tiny body, and she had gotten to taste it. “Oh my god, are you blushing?”, she asked Regina, who looked away. Ruby laughed. It was so funny, to see the former Evil Queen, a scary and powerful figure, blushing over a simple kiss. She wondered, if Regina blushed over something that simple, could she blow her mind doing something even sexier?

“I’m rather tired, and I think I am going to go to sleep”, the brunette said, suddenly getting up, all frenzy moves, “because tomorrow I have several situations to resolve and… Well, it’s late and…”.

“It’s okay Gina, I get it. I left you speechless. Go to be and convince yourself this has been real”, Ruby said, interrupting the queen. She threw her a smug smile and rushed her to the staircase. She offered to tidy the living room.

Once in her room, she replayed the whole moment in her mind. It was as if Reina represented every thing Ruby had always wanted in a partner: she was funny, she was sweet, she was kind, she was pretty, she listened to her, and she didn’t see her as a monster. What else could she ask you?

Wait… did she _like_ Regina?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They kissed! And I loved every minute of it! It doesn't mean that this pairing is gonna be the endgame, we have a long road ahead of us, but we needed a start. I hope you guys have enjoyed it, I will be uploading soon!!! Take care <3


	7. now I walk alone past your street

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me AGES to update, but I took a little vacation time and my muse went into hibernation mode. This chapter is shifting the dynamic. This story is not about pairings, is about finding out who you are, what you are capable of, and what you want. And although it includes love, life is far more complex than that. I forgot that for a moment.  
> I know that maybe you lose interest in the story if this isn't about pairings, I hope you don't, but I understand if you do. This chapter is going to have mentions of child abuse, torture, and denial of sexuality.

Ruby left the next day. Her shift was over. Emma took her place, with Henry by her side. Regina hadn’t been able to sleep that night, wondering what that kiss had meant. She had never felt like that. Ever. Honestly, it was frightening. She had never felt that way with a simple kiss. She hadn’t kissed many people, but that didn’t matter. She had never felt _like that_.

She decided to ask Google, that miraculous thing on her laptop that gave her all the information.

_Do I like girls?_

_How to know if you don’t like boys_

_What do you call a woman who likes other women?_

_Is it okay to like girls?_

_Can I like boys and girls?_

She spent hours taking quizzes, and none of the results were good enough. Did she like women? She had never thought about it. Better said, she had never admitted her curiosity. She had liked girls, but her upbringing, and the religion, and the society didn’t approve of it. She remembered that day, when she was twelve, and her mother caught her staring at one of her teachers. Lady Kittish was pretty, tall, older. She could be her mother, but she was so elegant, that Regina couldn’t help but stare. She learned that night, when her mother whipped her whole back, that she should never admit that out loud. She had hung her from the ceiling, she had torn her dress apart, and she hadn’t stopped until she started seeing spots. She fainted. When she woke up, there weren’t any scars, but the pain was underneath the skin. Her mother had used her magic again, erasing the physical proof but leaving the actual pain.

She learned her lesson. She never looked at girls ever again.

Now, her mother was gone. What if she actually liked women? What if she liked them enough to get whipped?

It was scary, frankly, but she didn’t have much time to think about it when someone knocked. When Regina opened the door, Emma couldn’t breathe. The brunette was wearing an electric blue midi skirt, paired with a white shirt and a pair of chunky sneakers. She looked like the perfect crossover between Mayor Mills and Bambi Eyes. She had given her a nickname, Bambi Eyes.

“Regina… hi”, she said, breathless. Henry hugged her, unable to hid how happy he was.

“Hey, little lord! Emma, hello”, she said, as polite as always, though it was obvious Regina was biased. She loved Henry and she barely knew him. Emma was jealous, Regina was everything she had ever wanted in a mother when she was a child. The younger woman invited the duo to enter the house and get themselves comfortable. Henry spent no time in reaching is room, and Regina went through the same process with Emma. She showed the blonde her room for that week, and she decided to leave her some time to get comfortable. She was starting to question several aspects of her life. Women worked here, it didn’t matter if they were rich or poor, married or single. Women here were free, free to wear whatever clothes they liked or to fall in love with whoever they wanted. Regina had never known what she wanted to be: sometimes she had wanted to be a nurse, but seeing people suffering was heartbreaking for her; she grew up and she wanted to be a teacher, to help kids in any way they needed to be helped. It wasn’t until she was 13 when she snuck around with Daniel, just her friend back then, and they watched a play in a nearby village. The way a few people could be anything they wanted to be left her speechless. It was like the operas and concerts she had attended with her parents when she was younger, like the few balls she had attended ever since she became ‘a woman’. She liked it.

There were other things she had been interested in, like politics, war, or economics, but she couldn’t picture herself doing that for a living. However, she couldn’t picture herself being an artist. She lacked the creativity, the art, the imagination, the passion.

“How’s your week been?”, Emma asked from behind her, startling her. Emma had been observing Regina for 30 minutes, and the brunette hadn’t noticed it. She was so absorbed in her own world, that she wasn’t aware enough to sense the older woman approaching her. She couldn’t explain how she felt about Regina: she was young, sweet, smart. She had so much potential, and she was far away from the spoiled brats she had met before. This girl was brilliant, she had hope, she was warm and loving, and she was fresh. She made her feel young, and she wanted to protect her, to love her. And because of that, because Regina reminded Emma of a better time, she felt a connection to her.

“It’s been good. I’ve been getting some weight”, Regina said with a smile. Emma had cared about her since the first moment, making her laugh, sending her memes and making fun of harder situations. She had to admit, the blonde was impressive, with those muscular arms and that shiny hair. She liked it. She liked her. Emma was like a second chance; she had the sass of Claire and the gentleness of Daniel. She kept thinking about Daniel, but Claire had started to appear in the back of her mind too. She wouldn’t never admit it, but Claire broke her heart. She had never thought about her thoughts when it came to her old friend, the one who betrayed her.

“I’m so glad… I thought that, perhaps, you would want to eat out?”, she asked Regina, nervous about her response. Would she say yes?

“Sure! We could go to Granny’s!”, she suggested, but felt somehow worried: despite the growing popularity of Regina’s Instagram stories, many people still disliked her. She was becoming famous between the town’s teenagers, who liked her style and her music taste, but many adults were still holding a grudge against the girl, even if she wasn’t aware of it.

What Emma did not expect was to have Henry and Regina ganging up on her to go to Granny’s. It was 13.30 when they arrived, and Emma was in defense mode. They sat in a booth, and she couldn’t help but to stare at how Ruby checked Regina out when the latter reached the counter to order the menu. She had to admit, Regina was getting thicker and her curves were getting back in place, and that cropped cardigan and the low-rise jeans looked amazing on her.

She shouldn’t be thinking about a girl that young, not in that way. She had expressed how much she had wanted to bang the mayor back when Regina was her age, but this wasn’t that Regina. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be intimate with her, but the feeling had changed: Mayor Mills was hard, rough, punish-and-praise me. The type of girl Emma would be ruthless with. Regina was simple, innocent. She could picture herself making love to the brunette, but she knew it wouldn’t go much farther, and Emma had stopped making love a long time ago.

“Are you and Ruby friends?”, Henry asked, as naïve as a ten-year-old could be, when his mom sat down with the plates.

“I guess. She has been helping me a lot lately, and she’s really fun”, she answered. She wasn’t going to tell a soul about their kiss, but it burned in her head, everything she had felt. They ate, Henry kept telling them all about school, and Regina’s heart melted at the idea of having children. How she would love that. Maybe when she was older.

There had been times when she had loved Snow, when she had felt proud of her for being good at painting, for winning her after she had taught the pale-skinned girl how to play chess. She had wondered often enough how it would have been if no one had died because of that brat. She could like her more if she didn’t remember Daniel’s lifeless eyes when she looked at Snow.

She would like to have a child like Henry, so adventurous and polite, so curious and loving. She wanted to be a mother, even if it scared her.

She kept talking with him as they made their way to a park nearby. She hadn’t felt good lately, her joints hurt, and she had felt dizzy, but that kid could make her forget about her issues. Regina was thankful for that.

“It seems like you and Ruby finally got along”, Emma said, sitting in a bench and inviting Regina to do the same thing.

“Yes, turns out Ruby never meant no harm. She’s really funny and nice, even if her favourite topic of conversation is intercourse”, she replied, rolling her eyes but smiling. Truth be told, Ruby had spent the morning tweeting about how horny she was, and Regina preferred not to read any post, she didn’t want to blush. She had thought about sex.

“I’m glad, really. She’s not a mean girl, she’s just… direct”, Emma said with a matching smile. She liked Ruby, she was her only friend in town, and she was glad that Regina could count on Ruby too. She lit a cigarette up and offered the girl next to her another; Regina took it, and Emma couldn’t help but notice how her lips looked around the cigarette, how her slim fingered hold it, how the smoke escaped her mouth. Regina could make something as nocive as smoking look aesthetic. No wonder she was getting popular on social media. They chatted about Henry, and Regina could see how proud Emma was of that kid, and it made her ache for something like that. For a family.

They spend an hour there, and as they sun started to go down, they decided to go back, but Regina refused Emma’s offer of going straight home. She needed to go somewhere else.

The bell over Granny’s main door chimed, and the place was mostly empty. She wanted to talk to Eugenia, the older women could advise her, but Ruby came into sight first.

“Hi, sugar!”, the waitress said, and Regina blushed. Ruby was getting closer, and showing her interest on her, and Regina had never been through anything like that before. It made her nervous. She didn’t like to be the center of the attention.

“Hello, Ruby. Is your grandmother around?”, she asked, adjusting her jacket. She didn’t want her to notice how she made her feel.

Ruby felt a little but disappointed. She was hoping Regina came to talk to her. “Yeah, she in the kitchen”, she said.

Regina made her way towards the kitchen, unsure of what she was going to say. She needed advice.

“Hello, I hope I am not disturbing you”, she said, smiling softly and waving at Eugenia. The older woman was cleaning the dishes, she had dismissed the entire crew when she realized not many people would go there. Some days, Granny’s was filled with people and voices; some other days, it was empty. A long time ago, the woman would have complained about it; now, she adored the days where she could just relax.

“Not at all. Be a dear and help me put the dishes where they belong”, she suggested. She knew Regina, and she knew that they could never had a heartfelt conversation without busying themselves. When the brunette wanted to pour her heart, which wasn’t often, she couldn’t be still. It was her way of avoiding being judged, being frowned upon. She took the dishes and started to follow Eugenia’s orders.

“What’s troubling you, child?”.

Regina struggled to fin the correct words. “I want to work, Eugenia, but I don’t know how or where. I have been investigating this world, and it’s obvious that the majority of the workers have studied to become professionals, but I haven’t. All I can do is sew and sing. I don’t even know what my calling is”, she confessed, with a low voice and the clatter of the plates in the background.

“You’ve always been a good singer. You were good with love songs”, the older woman said. She had always known that Regina would be an artist, and she was certainly disappointed when she became a queen. That was not the Regina she had met a long time ago.

“I don’t know how to sing about love when I don’t feel it”, she said, without filtering her words. She remembered those days, when she was a child, when she would sing the love songs the common folk had invented. But she had no imagination to do so. What else could she be?

“Well, you were good with stories. You could create an entire fairytale in minutes. What if you sing the songs that your fairytale needs? Songs are feeling, Regina. You can play as many parts as you want. It doesn’t have to be your feelings.”

Regina thought about it as she kept helping Granny. She was right, in a way. She liked to write down her feelings, it was impossible for her to deal with them out loud, and her diaries and her stories and her poetry had always been of great help.

She finished helping and she thanked Eugenia. She said goodbye to Ruby, and as she went home, she kept thinking about her past. About people she had lost. Maybe she could use the music inside of her head as a way out. She wished she could talk to them. To Claire, but also to Daniel.

_I’m crying, because you are not around and it hurts._

_How can I love someone else?_

_How could you be okay without me?_

_You said forever but now I walk back home alone._

_I wish I was going back home with you._

_I still see your face_

_Did I ever loved you?_

_I still hear your voice_

_I miss our laughs_

_I’m so blue_

_I know we’re through, but…_

She arrived home, with Emma making dinner and Henry setting up the table. She wanted to apologise for wandering around town and not telling them where she was, but she needed to reach the piano. She remembered how to play it. She needed to write it down.

When it was bedtime, she sent a text message to each of her new friends.

**Have you ever been heartbroken?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that we have established the three main pairings, I can finally intertwine them and connect them. Regina's journey on this story is not JUST about love, it's also about finding out who you are and what your passion is, and there will be plenty of questions to ask and answer. If you made it to the end of the chapter, I'm grateful. Again, I appreciate your reviews and feedback, they are super important to me. I love you all guys, and I hope you are safe and sound at home. I'm sorry if the chapter is not what you expected, but I promise we'll get better content within the next chapters.


	8. Watch me burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! So, this chapter is finally having the more "adult" part of the story. This is the turning part. This chapter is going to deal with mentions of child abuse, rape and death, but on the other hand, I finally got to explore other relationships beside the pairings, and I hope this is helping you understand Regina better. Also, I may have chosen her carrer path already... who am I kidding, I did, lol. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it.

She couldn’t sleep that night. She had gone to bed rather early, but she woke up hours ago. She had another nightmare. She vomited.

Ever since she had arrived in that town, the process had been the same: she felt tired, she went to sleep, she woke up in the middle of the night, crying and sweating, and she emptied the content of her stomach. Always the same.

She couldn’t hear the young boy approaching her.

“My mom had nightmares too. She made me warm milk when I had them. Maybe this helps you”, he said, handing Regina the warm cup of milk. There was something about Henry’s eyes when he looked at her. They weren’t exactly sad, but they weren’t fully happy either. They had that longing tint, just like Snow’s whenever her mother was mentioned. Henry had the same look, the same background of nostalgia, as if he was mourning something or someone. Right then, he looked sad, even if he tried to conceal it. Regina took the cup and sat next to the toilet. She wasn’t sure if she could drink anything at the moment.

“Thank you, Henry, I really appreciate it”, she said. She hadn’t expected anyone to come to her rescue, but this little, brave boy had. How sad it was that a stranger had been more comforting for a few minutes than your parents have been throughout your whole life?

“Can I sit?”, he asked.

“I’m fine, you don’t have to worry”, she said.

Silence took place between them.

“She would puke or shower all the time. It depended on how violent her nightmares were, on how clean or purged she wanted to feel. There was usually a mean man trying to hurt her, and she kept saying ‘no’. Sometimes it was a woman, and she wanted to hurt my mom and my mom was trying to run away. Sometimes, someone died. Her father, her boyfriend…”, Henry said. He had seen Regina crying, kicking, fighting in her sleep, and this new Regina ached for the boy. No boy should witness that, she would know that. But she didn’t know that Henry was talking about _her_ , because she didn’t know that Henry was _her son_. She thought that he was talking about Emma. She had asked the blonde about Henry’s dad, and she had said that he died in a fire.

Maybe Emma understood her better than she had originally thought.

The boy sat down next to her.

“Do you want to have a family of your own?”, he asked. He wanted his mom back.

“I do, yeah”.

“What do you think your family will be like?”, he asked.

“I think…”, she hesitated. “I think it would be nothing like my family. My children will be happy. They will be free. I will be there for them; I won’t spend months away. I won’t miss their birthdays. I won’t force them to do things they don’t want to do, and we will be happy. And I will share my life with someone who loves me, with someone who protects me”.

And Regina could have kept talking, but Henry leaned on her and he was about to cry. If he had known how much her mother had suffered, how much she had tried to make him happy, to give him everything he had always wanted, he would have appreciated. He had always wanted to know the truth about her mother, and now that he knew it, she was out of reach. Forever.

“You should go to sleep, Henry. Your mother will kill me if she finds out you’ve been sitting on a bathroom floor”, she joked, trying to make him smile. He looked at her like he knew her.

“You’re right. I have to go to school tomorrow”, he said, getting up and helping her get up. She was still weak, her muscles long gone. “You’ll have that family one day, Regina. I know you will. Someone will write your story down some day”, he said before he left the room. He would make sure everybody knew who her mother was, who she would be and who she had been.

She couldn’t sleep after that conversation, so she checked her phone. Mary Margaret had answered. So had Ruby.

 **Perhaps. You could say so, I guess. Why are you asking?** , the teacher had replied.

 **You bet your ass I have** , the waitress texted her.

She wanted to know if Emma had been heartbroken too.

The next morning, Regina couldn’t stay put. She had so many ideas, so much energy, that she was literally buzzing.

She needed help with something.

She needed help with her love song.

She had decided that she had to put her feelings out, it was the only way to let go, to heal. She knew it wouldn’t be good, but she had to tried. Because, in all honesty, she couldn’t see herself being happy doing anything else. She was a musical creature. Some people had a nurturing nature, some people had a belligerent nature, some people had a protective nature. She had a creative nature. And she felt so much, despite her mother’s attempts at making a heartless woman of her.

“Morning”, Emma said, in a rush, grabbing the car keys and looking for her phone. “I gotta go right now, an emergency. Don’t leave the house”, she instructed, and Regina was so confused she couldn’t say anything to the blonde. Whatever had happened, she didn’t want to know. That would not bring her any peace.

She had been a protector once, standing up for those who were wronged, for those who weren’t that lucky, but she had learned a long time ago that it was pointless. She didn’t have a voice back then.

She chose to sit at the piano, the house was silent, and she needed to bleed out her thoughts.

She started with some absent notes. All she had was a tune and some lost sentences.

Her phone buzzed.

Ruby had answered her last question. She had asked the werewolf to explain how it had felt, and what she would say to that person.

_You’d have been better with that girl_

_Who always made me doubt_

_She was much smarter than me_

_She was all I couldn’t be_

**He’s long gone, but sometimes I wish he had chosen someone else instead of me. He wouldn’t have been alive if he had,** the brunette texted her. Regina could relate: she had often wondered what would have happened if Daniel had chosen someone else. Apparently, Ruby felt the same way. She felt guilty about her boyfriend’s death. She could understand that.

 **What does jealousy feels like?** , she texted back. Regina kept working on the song. It was cathartic. She was alone, no one around to judge her, to pressure her.

Ruby took some hours to text back.

**There’s this girl I’m starting to fall for. She’s insanely beautiful, she is bright as a diamond… but I see how people look at her, how this blonde girl looks at her. And it burns because I can’t stand a chance, because she’s so much older than me, and she’s everything I am insecure about. And I see them together and I realise that I can’t have someone as good as her because there’s always going to be someone who can give her what I can’t.**

Again, Regina thought about it. She knew how that felt, how stupid and worthless you feel when someone is better than you, and how your sadness can turn into anger.

She had the second verse of her first song ever.

_And you’re probably with that blonde girl_

_Who always made me doubt_

_She’s so much older than me_

_She’s everything I’m insecure about_

_And today I walked through the forest_

_Cause I cannot love anyone else_

It made sense. It wouldn’t be the first time she had walked around mindlessly, thinking about Daniel and how much she missed him and how she could never love again.

And Regina kept thinking, and thinking, and only her phone ringing woke her from her reverie. It was Emma.

“Hey, Regina, I… uhm… I gotta ask you a favour. So… this guy showed up, he was missing and… I need you to come to the station, because I get the feeling this has something to do with magic…”

“Sure, I can go there. Where do I head?”, she asked the blonde over the phone. She wasn’t sure of her driving skills, even if the sounded familiar, so she hoped it that place wasn’t that far away.

“The sheriff station. Do you know where it is?”, the blonde asked the brunette, hoping Regina wouldn’t get lost.

“I think I do”; Regina said, frowning. She had a faint memory of being there, but she couldn’t put her finger on why or how.

As soon as she had brushed her hair and put on her sneakers, she walked toward the station. She had known about her magic for so long, but she had never used it. Not until she met Rumple. He was hard and a perfectionist, but he taught her how to protect herself and the few people she loved. And even if she could see herself changing, growing darker, it was better than being helpless, defenseless again. She had been taught to use her magic on herself, but Regina knew she could do better than that. When she was a child, she wished she could control it so she could help everyone around her. Now that she had it (or so she hoped), she could use it to help the ones in need.

When she reached the station, a lot of people was there, waiting for something. For her.

“Regina, you came”, Mary Margaret said, with a hopeful smile. Did she know she had magic? Only Emma knew, because she saw her setting the fireplace in fire with her hands. She was slowly getting her power back, and she was trying to conceal it. “Emma said you can help”, she added. She didn’t seem to know about magic. Regina calmed down.

“Yes, I think I can”, she said, with a smile. For whatever reason, she didn’t feel like hugging her. There was this feeling, at the back of her head, nagging at her, telling her that she should not trust that woman.

When the brunette entered the place, she was Emma sitting next to a man, with red hair and thick glasses. There was a dog next to him, a dalmatian, who started licking at her, as if he knew her.

“Pongo, come here”, the man said gently. She knew him, somehow. She had no idea of how, but she knew him. And his dog, too. “Good morning. My name is Archie”, he said, getting on his feet and handing his hand for a shake. Regina shook his hand, but something felt odd. The air around was like a crowded forest, with the tree branches tugging at you; it was a horrible feeling, but she had felt it before. Sometimes, someone’s magic was visible, Rumple taught her that. She had noticed, some people had a strong print related to their element. Regina herself was a fire witch, and Maleficent had told her that her magic aura was like summer, like the sun, something akin to sleeping next to a fire; comforting, warm.

Regina remembered her mother’s aura, the earth witch and the forever feeling of being buried alive. Ever since she was a child, she had felt like that. Like an abandoned child left in the middle of a crumbling mountain.

It was the same feeling.

“Regina, I know that this is gonna look weird, but I need your help with a little something. See, this is Archie Hopper. He was supposedly dead, we found his body in his apartment, but now he’s… here. And maybe magic has something to do with it”. Emma tried to explain the situation calmly, but the fact that Archie had shown up that morning in Granny’s meant that A) they had buried someone they didn’t know, B) he was alive but had been used, C) someone else had to be dead, and D) that Regina had nothing to do with it. Archie had made that clear when he asked for her, when he asked if she was okay. He said that whoever attacked her was not Regina. And Emma realized in that moment that it wasn’t Regina for a simple reason: both the old Regina and the young Regina had a brow scar. Regina used to put makeup on it to cover it, but since the de aging situation, she hadn’t. In fact, Emma had gone through a few pictures she had taken of Henry and Regina, and she saw it clearly: Regina hadn’t worn make up that night, so the scar was visible.

Whoever took Archie didn’t have that scar.

“I could help, yes, but I’m not sure how”, Regina said, hoping she wasn’t disappointing anyone. She knew how to use her magic to attack and defense, not to heal. She got closer and Emma lend her a chair. It only took some minutes to find out something was wrong with Archie. He reeked of dark magic, the type her mother would use on her. This mad had been captured by someone with strong magic, someone who had spent almost everyday with him. The dalmatian kept getting closer to her, like it had missed her, and Regina could sense something else. She had grown up next to animals, and she knew how they felt. This dog trusted her, missed her even. This dog knew her. This dog knew her old self, this world’s Regina. And if the dog knew her, so did the owner. “It was magic, earth element”, the witch said. “I don’t sense any hurt done with magic, but he has been kept with a silence spell and an immobilization spell. The magic here is strong, really dark. How did you escape?”, she asked him.

“I didn’t. She let me out”, he answered.

“Regina, would you mind gabbing some of the snacks over there?”, Emma said, and Regina complied. However, she was a good listener, and she could her name. Cora. It was Cora who had done it. She was here and she was on the loose.

Her mother was trying to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is why I couldn't choose just one pairing. Emma gives Regina a family she already has, the chance of discovering who she can be and to get back what she lost; Ruby gives Regina hope sof freedom and living a normal life, what she always wanted; and Snow gives Regina the second chance, knowing her, knowing the worst of her and still being by her side. But there are some disadvantages too: Emma is much older, she already has her family, her life made up, she knows who she is, and she has baggage; Ruby is too free, too wild, and Regina is trying to adapt herself; and Snow knows Regina, but Regina doesn't know her, all she knows about Snow is pain, such a drastic change. Anyway, I hope you share your thoughts with me. Next chapter is coming very soon, and we'll get some answers to everything.


	9. So stay, I know you gotta be tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always tell myself 'don't post anything until you have written a few more chapter', but I never listen to myself. I'm afraid the updates are not going to be that frequent from now on, I am super busy with college and I can asure you that I'm gonna write quickly enough, but I'll try my best. Also, I realised this is the longest chapter I've written yet. I really hope I can improve my writing skills, because sumarising should NOT be my passion if I'm trying to write a serious story. Anyway, here we go with the story. I hope you like it. Also, I may warn you, this is going to be a hell of a chapter: there are mentions of rape, child abandonment, unwanted pregnancy, and the sort. Be careful if you don't want to be triggered, and if you feel liek skipping the chapter but you still want to know the important bits, tell me and I'll message you with all the info you want to know.

Emma dismissed her, told her to go home and rest. Regina wasn’t tired, not at all, but she needed some time for herself. Her mother was here but, how? She had vanished her. She had had to cross some sort of portal. If she was there, it meant that mayhem would follow. She would get rid of everyone Regina was starting to love, and she couldn’t have that. She needed to find a way to protect everyone around her. Snow was outside, waiting for Emma to finish. Everyone had left but her, and Regina felt that she could not escape this woman. She was always around, always caring about her.

“Hey, Regina. I saw your text. Is everything okay?”, the short haired woman asked, getting closer to her. It made her feel uncomfortable. Weeks ago, she had loved having Mary Margaret around; now, it felt like she was being choked.

“Yes, sure. I was just curious”, she responded. Snow knew she had to come clean at some point. The reason she had never been good at keeping secrets was that she had never been good at lying. She felt like a liar, knowing that _this_ Regina was still grieving, and that she had been lurking, preying on her.

“I actually would like to tell you my story. I just… didn’t want to talk it through a screen. If you’re interested, of course”; Snow wanted to let it all out. Perhaps, if she told Regina how she had always felt about her, she could move on. Maybe, if she puked those words, those feelings, she would stop choking on them. It was painful to know that David loved her and cared for her and that, as much as she tried, she couldn’t feel the same. Not on the same level.

Regina nodded. She wanted to know. For some reason, whatever it was, she needed to know what Mary Margaret had felt because, for some reason, she sensed that she was part of it. Perhaps not her, but the old Regina, but the feeling was the same.

They walked to Regina’s house in silence, next to each other but not quite, their hands almost brushing and their oxygen mixing.

It was cold, like a machine. Get inside, get comfortable, offer something to snack, sit down. It was cold. She had never replied to the teacher’s text, because that was not how they did things. It had never been like that, and that deja-vu feeling came back again. She barely knew her, but this was not the way.

“So… I was in love with someone”, the princess started. “And our relationship ended so soon, but I kept holding onto that. She turned into something I couldn’t recognize, and it hurts because I was the one who made her that way. I never gave her any space, I was needy and stupid and selfish, and I wanted her all to myself. And when we parted ways, I kept thinking about her, all the damn time”, she said, and Regina was focused on her. On how nervous she was, on how she was fidgeting with the glass water. She lit a cigarette up. “And all my friends got tired of hearing how much I missed her, how sorry I was, and they kept saying ‘she’s hurt you, it’s not your fault’, but I knew it was and it made me angry, because they never met her, not they way I did. Sometimes I would dream of going back home and being with her, waiting for me. I never got to kiss her, and I’ll always have that thorn inside of my heart because, I wanted to comfort her so hard, and all I did was hurt her. She said we would be forever the two of us, together, and one day, I…”

“She wasn’t there anymore”, Regina said, finishing the sentence. How painful to be in love with someone who never loved you back. She was lucky it had never been that way for her.

“She would braid my hair; she would sneak some cookies so I could have some when I was growing up. She even taught me how to play chess”, Mary Margaret added, and Regina froze on the spot. She had taught Snow how to play chess, too. Just like the woman in front of her, Snow had been needy and selfish too. Snow had hurt her too. And Regina realized that this world’s version of her had lived through identical stuff. And that’s when she realized that ‘Snow’ was not Mary Margaret’s name. Granny was here too. And if Eugenia was here, that meant that someone else could have. Mary Margaret kept rambling, but Regina could only focus on the details. The same eyes, the same mole on her upper lip. The same way of fidgeting with stuff.

Snow was in front of her. Older, yes, but it was the same. And there was no way this was an alternative Snow, because she knew all the details, all that had happened between the princess and her, in the dark of the night, during a storm.

Snow was in front of her.

But this Regina wasn’t as cold hearted as the Evil Queen. This Regina was temperamental, and she said whatever she was thinking of. She didn’t know how to hold back; she didn’t know how to control herself. And she remembered how Snow was always by her side, even when she didn’t want it. And it all came crashing down.

“Why did you hurt me? Why, if you loved me, did you do that?”, she screamed, cutting Snow. The girl in front of her was the same thirteen-year-old girl who insisted on dancing with her. The same girl who asked her how love was made between two people. The same girl who knew what her father was doing to her, and there was no way she didn’t know it. Not now, at least, because now she was older, and she was married, and she had to know those things.

Snow could have played stupid. She could have said that she had no idea what the brunette in front of her was talking about, but she was tired of the lies.

“It was never my intention to hurt you, Regina. It took me some time to realise how deeply I was falling for you and how deeply I had hurt you”. It didn’t matter, though, because Regina was crying, and she had never seen her crying and it was big. “I am so sorry; I will always have to live with the fact that I hurt the person I loved the most. I’ll always carry that stain on me…”  
“And I’ll always carry my stain!”, she yelled back. “The nights, the pain, the miscarriages. The bruises, the blood! I always knew that night he would send for me and I couldn’t say no, and you were always around pushing yourself over me. And I was a broken doll! I was hurting and you could see that. You think you’re stained because of it? Because of how you treated me? I saw the love of my life die, right in front of me! I was trapped, enslaved, used, raped! That’s a stain. And I will always have that stain on me, no matter how much I try to wash it away!”, she yelled, even more so than before, and she was crying. And Regina snapped, because she was tired to pretending everything was going to be okay. It wasn’t. It had never been. And this town would never accept her, because her past would always catch up to her. The lightbulbs on the ceiling exploded, the glass in Snow’s hand exploded, and Regina was shaking. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t stand on her feet. And the room was tripping, and the windows shattered, and she was dying.

Snow got closer to her, alarmed. She had never seen the queen like this. She got on her knees, trying to comfort her, but Regina backed down.

“Don’t touch me!”, she screamed, and Snow could have stayed there, but she didn’t. She had always imposed herself, she wasn’t doing that anymore. She had no idea how to react, how to help. She couldn’t. She called Emma.

She knew in that exact moment that she had fucked it all up once more. She had texted Regina, over and over, for hours, and the young woman had made it quite clear that she had wanted a fresh start. By spilling yet another secret, she had jeopardized Regina’s happy ending. Again. And she had excused herself with the fact that she was a little girl who just wanted what was best, even if that wasn’t true, not completely. What excuse was she going to use now?

She had destroyed her own plan, and in the meantime, she had also destroyed the town’s future and another life.

The same life.

Emma came quickly; hearing her mother’s anguish over the phone had worried her, and she needed to check on Regina. She should have known better than to let the brown eyed woman leave with her mother, she should have stopped it. By the time she arrived, Regina was hyperventilating, sitting on the floor with her knees close to her chest. She couldn’t focus, she kept rocking herself and shutting her eyes. It was an anxiety attack.

Snow was crying, sitting on a kitchen stool, saying she was sorry. She kept repeating that sentence like a broken record.

“What’s going on? Is she okay?”, Emma asked, throwing away her keys and her jacket and kneeling besides the girl. She wasn’t going to touch her, she wasn’t going to get much closer either, because Emma knew how anxiety attacks worked and she knew someone like Regina could spiral further if she did that. “Regina, please, breath with me. Take deep breaths, follow my lead. This is temporary, you’ll get better soon”.

“I can’t”, she struggled to say. “I can’t breathe”, she repeated between sobs, unable to control her breath. It felt like someone was crushing her chest, like someone was choking her. She should be used to it by now, but she wasn’t. It was excruciating. It was impossible to be stopped.

“Regina, you can do this. Take breaths with me. Inhale, exhale”, the blonde said, putting herself in front of the brunette. She started to do so, but Emma had no idea how to deal with that, not really. She suffered from anxiety too, but no one had ever helped her, so she had no idea how to help anyone. All her knowledge of the issue came from the internet and her own experience, but each experience was different. She had no idea what she was doing, but at least she was doing something. Unlike Snow, of course, who kept crying and regretting whatever she had done.

Regina tried to follow Emma’s actions, but it was really hard. Her lungs burned and her eyes were sore, and her muscles weren’t responding.

“Can you shut the fuck up?!”, Emma yelled. Snow was being the complete opposite of comforting. Her voice and her words were unsettling and even creepy, and Emma could feel the uneasy steaming from the witch. The green eyed one ceased her crying, but she didn’t move. What Emma had meant was ‘get the fuck out of here’, but she wasn’t good at reading between the lines. She had never been. If she had been, Regina wouldn’t have become the Evil Queen.

After 22 minutes, Regina managed to get on her feet, with Emma’s help, but she was still shaking and her breathing was still uneven. Emma noticed how Regina got a big shard of glass, God knew when the fuck that glass had broken, and she kept it in her hand. Like an anti-stress ball. It was causing her damage, blood spilling from her closed fist.

“Emma, she’s bleeding”, Snow said, with a shocked face. Yes, that much was obvious, Sherlock. Now she could understand what Regina would say about the Charmings being dense.

“Do something about! No, better. Leave, get out. I don’t know what you did but you caused this, I can see that. If you’re not here to help, stop whining and go back to the loft. You’re not needed here anymore”, she said back. Emma had a temper, and she tried hard everyday not to explode at the minimal thing, but she had bleeding girl in her hands, quite literally. The last thing she needed was a self-centered princess playing the victim in the background.

Snow left, not knowing where she should head. Should she go home, to a husband she wasn’t sure she wanted anymore? Should she go with her best friend, who had done a better job at protecting Regina than herself? Should she go to the park where Henry was playing, and explain what happened, as if a ten-year-old boy knew how to deal with the situation?

She went to the forest, her longtime friend. She went to the troll bridge, considering if throwing herself off it would be a good choice.

What could she do? How could she fix it? She should leave, forget everything once she crossed the town line and go on with her life. She could also go back at Regina’s place and hand her the heart she had always wanted to have; she could crush it, right there, and end that miserable situation.

But then again, all those options were a symbol of cowardice. She could run away or sacrifice herself, but she doubted that was the correct choice. It would be a good option, perhaps, but the good option is not always the right option. It would be contra productive, actually, because Regina would take the blame, again, and she would be hurt, _again._

There was only one option. The right option.

She knew what she had to do.

On the other side of the town, Emma spent hours listening to Regina’s story. She needed to let it all out to find some peace. It was a heart wrecking story, hard to swallow, but Emma was the best audience for it. Losing someone you’ve loved so much, being imprisoned, being abused. The lack of love from your parents, the lack of opportunities to prove your potential. And that was only half of the story. The real Regina had gone through so much more, that Emma wondered how she could have made it past the age of 25. She was strong, really strong, and although the blonde considered herself to be fair, she could see why Regina became the Evil Queen. She didn’t justify it, though, because being a mass murderer is not justifiable in any way or shape, but she could see why she became that woman. It was like the circle of bullying, but massive. She got hurt in all the imaginable ways and she ended up becoming a destroyer. It made sense. Was it okay? No. Was it understandable? To Emma, yes, it was.

It was so bizarre, seeing the halfway of what she knew, seeing this amazing young woman that Snow had always wanted to bring back and seeing how she had been turning into the monster Henry was dying to slaughter. Emma could also see herself on Regina, and it was comforting, because it made Emma feel less lonely. She offered her some food, dinner, but Regina turned it out. She explained that she hadn’t felt well since her arrival, that she would vomit almost every day.

And just like Regina had found out who Snow truly was because of the details, so did Emma with Regina.

The weight wasn’t about Regina eating, not if she ended up puking it anyway.

Regina was pregnant.

“Every day, you say?”, Emma asked, tentatively, observing the queen.

“It’s because of my night terrors”, she said.

“But you said that he kept doing… _that_ to you as much as he could, even a few nights before you got here…”, she pushed. If what Regina had told her was true (which of course it was, Emma had no doubt about it), she could be pregnant. She had arrived a few weeks later. If her algebra was correct, she had spent almost two weeks in there, and considering what the brunette had told her, it wasn’t an isolated incident. “Regina, what if you’re…”; she tried to rephrase it, but she couldn’t. Every option was terrible.

“What, is everything okay?”, Regina said. She was getting scared at the suggestion. The last thing she wanted was to have that monster’s child.

“I think I’m gonna get you a pregnancy test”, Emma declared. It was the easiest sentence she could form in her head. Regina paled all of the sudden. She had a vague memory of what a pregnancy test was, but she didn’t want to do one. She was scared of the results. She went mute. She was scared for her own life.

“I think you shouldn’t”, she said back.

It didn’t really matter, though, because it was almost midnight (wow, they had spent hours and hours talking about the past. When Snow went home with her it was midday and now it was midnight) and she was sitting on the passenger’s seat of the bug. Emma came back quickly, with a rectangular box in her hands.

Regina lit up a cigarette, like she had been doing lately, a toxic habit she had inherited from this world’s her. They were silent the whole way back home, and both were thankful that Henry would spend the night with David.

They arrived, they took off their coats, they headed to the master’s bedroom, and Emma gave Regina some privacy. She could understand the situation, but at the same time, she couldn’t. The reason she gave up Henry was because she couldn’t provide for him: she was too young, too poor, too lonely, too _in prison_. Regina had a different background. Henry was the product of young but consensual sex. This child was the product of a crime. It was not the same thing.

The younger one called for the sheriff, who sat on the WC and waited in silence for the result of the test. Regina leaned against the countertop. She was clicking her nails against the black marble.

It was a positive result.

There was no doubt: she was pregnant.

Regina bit her lips, her eyes fixated on the plastic little shit in Emma’s hands.

They didn’t speak for minutes. Regina broke the silence.

“I need a drink”, she said, composing herself and heading downstairs. A part of Emma wished to tell her not to drink, because that would damage the baby, but it wasn’t a baby, it was a bunch of cells. And Regina did need a drink. Hell, even Emma did, and she was just an outsider.

She was just an outsider, and if she were Regina’s friend, or even better, Regina’s girlfriend, she would do something about it, but it wasn’t her call, and it wasn’t her problem, and because of Emma’s detachment, she had no idea how to be supportive. She was a lone wolf.

What Regina needed was _not_ a lone wolf. However, Emma was the only one available.

And when they drank, it wasn’t happy. It wasn’t a party, there was no music, no jokes. It wasn’t like the first time they drank, back when Ruby was on her watch. It was a wake. Regina had made it clear, she wanted kids, but not now. Now from him. And she was going to get rid of the baby, even if she had to insert a piece of iron into her uterus. She couldn’t do it.

That baby was dead before it had even been born.

And because Emma had no idea how to comfort the girl sitting in front of her, she chose to tell her stories about her. The funny ones, not the depressing ones. The ones where she stole from a 7/11, or where she did a threesome, or where she was mistaken for a drug dealer searched by the Europol. It made Regina laugh. The corner of her eyes, the teeth. It was a real smile. And Emma felt for once in ages the ache of being loved. Of having friends. Of having someone to share your life with. How beautiful would it have been if she had married Regina? In some alternative universe, she would have been with Regina. The stuck-up mayor who probably wore cardigans at home and who taught their son everything he knew about superheroes and wizards.

Blame it on the tequila, blame it on the rollercoaster of emotions they had gone thought that day, but Emma kissed Regina. It was not _her_ Regina, but it was good, anyway. It was really good. Her chapped lips tasted of alcohol and salt, and her freezing hands felt like a relief when they grabbed Emma’s. She bit her lip softly, enough to feel it but not to hurt her; and when she lad on her back, a weight sat atop of her, and Emma saw stars. But this Regina was not _that_ Regina, so she pushed her away with a gentleness she didn’t know she possessed. This Regina was a mess, and Emma was a mess too, and unlike in maths, negative plus negative does not equal positive.

This wouldn’t work out. This was a pregnant child dealing with a huge trauma and an adult with the task of saving her.

“Why did you stop, did I do something wrong?”, the brunette asked with that soft voice of hers, and Emma saw how tiny she looked, and she felt like a pedophile. Perhaps, if she was younger, she would do Regina. But she was almost thirty and this girl was barely twenty.

“No, it’s just that… you’re too young for me, and this is not the right moment, and I just… I don’t think this is okay”, Emma said, getting up and grabbing her shirt. She wasn’t going to do this. Hell, no. “We’re gonna go to sleep”, she said, “alone! We’re sleeping alone!”, she added, nervous and hoping she wasn’t making a mess of the situation. “And we will draw a veil over tonight”, she finished. That was all. Emma headed upstairs, to her room. She wanted to forget what she had just done.

But Regina wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

“I’m sorry Emma. I really am. Please, don’t… Don’t leave me alone. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I saw a few day ago a post on tumblr that said that kudos are great, but comments are more appreciated by the author because kudos can't tell us what you liked/disliked about the story, and I agree with it. I love it when you leave kudos and bookmark my story, but if I'm so insisting with you leaving comments is beacuse I really want to know what you think about my story, if you liked it or not, if I should keep writing or not. It's no because I want to feel popular or any shit like that, trust me, but because I have many issues and I iften don't think this story is worth it, or any good at all. Again, don't feel forced to leave a comment, but if you liked the story, PLEASE, let me know, even if you want to say it was a horrible chapter. the reason why I wanted to leave comments is also because this story is about the reader telling my what their favourite pairing is, kind of like... a poll? IDK man. I love y'all, I feel super supported still, but I wanted to remind you guys to comment on the stories you love, ESPCIALLY the small ones with unknown authors. I usually find gems that have no comments and it's really sad, actually, because that person put a lot of effort into writing something and ther eis no feedback at all.


	10. I don't care if it hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised I have been writing this story for a month. Shocking, right? Me, commiting to anything? I'm shocked too. Chapter 10, here we go! I don't have much to say, except that I appreciate your support so much, you have no idea. When this silly idea started, I just thought "write it down and delete, get it off your mind and move on", but now I really feel encouraged to keep writing, even if it's for myself, because this is helping me explore my limits and my qualities. Thank you, really, for it.

When they headed upstairs, and they changed clothes, Emma couldn’t help but stare. It wasn’t a sexual thing, but an admiration one. After everything the girl had gone through, she still had the strength to get up every day and smile. And Emma didn’t want to fall in love with her, because she was poison for the system. This Regina didn’t know what drugs, sex or murder was. She didn’t know what stealing or blackmailing was. She was pure, innocent, and severely harmed. Emma knew too much, and she could only be a terrible influence.

However, she still wanted to be part of Regina’s life, even if just as a friend.

When they got under the covers and Regina asked if Emma could hold her, she saw the struggle in her brown eyes: this girl had no idea of how to be loved in any shape, whatever faint experience had been erased a long time ago. When she held her, she realized she wanted to be Regina’s friend. She had always wished she had had a friend to advise her, to help her, to listen to her problems, but she had never considered that she could be that friend to Regina. Like a tutor of some sorts, someone to tell her ‘don’t date that guy, he has a huge red flag round him’, or ‘don’t do that to your hair, no one’s gonna hire you if you show up like that at the office’.

She could try that, see what it was like.

“I’m sorry she hurt you. I don’t understand why you haven’t killed her yet”, the blonde said trying to make humor out of the situation. She wanted Regina to at least smile again.

“I’m not sure if I hate her anymore. She’s been so good to me lately, and even if she had some ulterior reason, she treated well. We talked every day on the phone. She sent me memes, playlists, whatever. It’s hard to think of her as the same girl who kept staring at me all the time, imposing her presence. It’s hard to believe that Snow is Mary Margaret, and it’s even worse now that I know she married someone she didn’t love because she couldn’t have me. That’s a cruel thing to do”, Regina said. She was being honest. If all that Snow had said was true, she had married her husband because she couldn’t have Regina. That was a cruel thing to do, to marry someone you don’t truly love just to have a back up plan.

Regina kept talking about her confused feelings, about her disappointment. She didn’t have it in her anymore to be angry: being angry was tiring and consuming. Disappointment was worse, because anger was a fire, and disappointment was a lake. You can come back from anger, but not from disappointment.

When she fell asleep that night, she didn’t dream. She didn’t suffer. And she spent the rest of the week sleeping with Emma Swan by her side.

The blonde was calming, comforting. She was older, more mature, wiser. And Emma understood Regina better than anyone, as surprising as it was for everyone (herself included).

See, Regina was conflicted. Emma was the serenity, the future, but she had a family of her own, and she could see how tired Emma was of living. She had lived enough, and she just wanted some quiet. Emma wanted the roots, she was finally committing; she wanted the family meetings each Sunday, the Marvel movies on Fridays, the routine. She was safe, assuring, protective, but Regina found that life extremely boring. Emma couldn’t notice it, but she wanted a routine. Regina was sick of routines.

Then there was Ruby, who wanted to explore the world in the wildest way possible. Ruby wanted to grab her car and a few clothes and travel the world. She wanted Las Vegas, the camping experience, the backpack experience. Such life could bring excitement and it could make you culturally rich, but she knew that Ruby was more of an action girl. She wanted to visit the Grand Canyon, not the Louvre. And Regina could understand that, but she wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted.

And finally, Mary Margaret. Regina had refused to call her ‘Snow’. Mary Margaret was different, a mix of both. She wanted the quiet reading afternoons in the forest, after a picnic. She wanted the museums and to spend two weeks in a crowded city. She was adventurous, but also simple and domestic, and Regina should be thrilled about it. But Regina knew Mary Margaret, and she knew Snow, and she knew that both parts of that woman were needy. And Regina was still trying to find herself, trying to be comfortable in her solitude. She was starting to see the appeal of it, and Snow wouldn’t understand that. They would have to be an indivisible pack.

But Regina was hurt after Snow’s words, so she spent the rest of the week making plans with the only two other options.

Ruby introduced her to a guy named Kevin. Kevin was black, tall, big, but he was a cinnamon roll. He wanted to be a producer, and when Ruby told him of Regina’s song, he gave her a try. He was surprised by her raspy, velvety, angelic voice. It was a mix between Ariana Grande, Amy Winehouse and Lady Gaga, with a pinch of Celine Dion when she did the high notes. It was rich, inspiring, hypnotic. And he wanted to work with her, so Regina spent the remaining six days of the week going to Kevin’s studio, which was actually his loft. Ruby wanted to go with her, but the grey-eyed girl realized quickly that Regina didn’t need it, not when she was at the studio. Regina was a natural between speakers and instruments.

The former queen wrote a few more songs. She got _drivers licence_ done in less than a day. It only took the duo a few hours to create a full song.

Emma kept Regina company, and the presence of Henry had made it all even better. She had convinced Regina to let her help with the pregnancy. She offered to adopt the baby, but the brunette was clear about it: she wanted to abort. Emma booked an appointment at the hospital and drove her there. Emma held her hand during the whole process. Emma wiped her tears that night and assured her that she was not a murderer for getting rid of that fetus. She also helped her finish her first creation.

Regina forgot that Snow would be living with her next Monday. In fact, she had been so deep into Henry’s story of who she had been and how they had ended up in there, that she had forgotten many things.

She had to keep pretending she didn’t know who she was, because Emma didn’t think that it would be safe for anyone to know.

But Monday came around, and she said goodbye to Henry and Emma with tears inside of her eyes. She wouldn’t cry, but she wanted to. God, she was _dying_ to shed a tear. Knowing that Henry was her son broke her heart because she could not be a mother. She was barely a child, and she loved Henry, but she wasn’t a mother. And Henry looked at her with devotion and hope, and Regina felt the pressure because, just like with Snow, she had no idea how to stop being a child.

No child should be a parent.

She was reminded of it when she opened the door that same night and Snow stood in front of her. It was unmistakably Snow. It was her, with her eyes fixed on the floor and her straightened back. She wasn’t carrying any items, though. Just a letter. She handed it to Regina.

“I’m supposed to spend the week here, but I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you. But you should have this. I’ve been thinking of a way to apologise”, she said, “but I can’t. It’s not gonna make any difference. I thought of getting a megaphone and apologise in the middle of Granny’s, but our problems and our past is ours. They don’t need to know what happened. They should know what I did, but they don’t need to know what t need to know what _you_ went through”, Snow finished, handing her the letter. Regina hadn’t made the effort of moving to collect it.

Instead, she opened the door to its full extent. Snow could see then, in that exact moment, the Regina she had always known. There was something funny about all the Regina’s she had known: all of them had things in common, little details; for instance, she had never known when to stop, when to stop fighting or when to stop obsessing. And just like with war and revenge, this Regina should have slammed the door in her face, but she invited Snow in, even if that would make things worse. She moved aside, giving the slightly taller brunette some space to enter the place. Snow had no idea if she should: another trait that all the Regina’s shared was the volatility, the unpredictability. She was unexpected, she could slap you or kiss you. You could never know what to expect or what to prepare yourself for.

What should Snow expect?

She entered the house, shy and uncomfortable, and followed Regina to the kitchen. That location of the house seemed to be their place. Snow didn’t know it, but Regina had a song, a drink, and a room for each person. Snow was the kitchen, with its bottle of whiskey and _All The Things She Said_ playing on the background. There was something about the kitchen that had always been comforting for her: perhaps it was the dangers on it, having to focus unless you wanted to burn the house down; perhaps it was the food, the drinks, the nourishment, a metaphor of life itself.

Snow had no idea what to expect, but she hadn’t expected to sit in front of Henry’s fairytale book.

“I want the truth. All of it. I think you owe me that”, the brown eyed girl said, pushing the book a bit closer to the familiar face in front of her, sitting on the opposite side of the table. “You owe me an explanation of why you are here, of why a lot of people is in here. You owe me an explanation regarding my son, and who the hell Miss Swan is. You owe me an explanation and I don’t owe you shit, keep that in mind. This is not a deal; this is a debt. You will not get anything from me by telling me the whole story”, she said, and her tone was categorical. This was not up for debate. “You can keep your apology, your letter. Words are meaningless. I want your actions, not your words”, she added. And for a moment, Snow could see one of the many reasons behind Regina’s revenge. She wanted the truth above anything else. She wanted an explanation, something to follow, to dwell on her own pain or to overcome it.

The sharp, cutting words of the Mayor or the Queen were not new. Regina had always been like that. When it came to a serious topic, there was no room for laughs and pleasantries. She remembered how Regina once told her not to be so polite that she you forgot her power, and to never let her power overshadow her politeness. There was no mistake: this Regina may smile and wear bright colours and say, ‘thank you’, but she knows her power and she knows what she wants. The old Regina didn’t, and Snow felt so proud of her, for finally seeing how much potential she had. It made her love and admire her more.

So, Snow warned her, that story was not pretty. She was going to talk about a version of her that represented Hell on Earth. The Evil Queen was soulless, cruel, sadistic; she was like an infection in an open wound, destroying the remains of the heathy skin and tissue and rotting it. The portrait of a woman of fire, a wreckage in flames causing mayhem with every breath she took.

She had spent hours being as exact as she could, as honest and objective as it was possible for someone in her position, but it was not the easiest thing to do when you have a love/hate relationship, when your communication has been poisoned and fueled by regret, anger, melancholy and a little bit of lust.

No easy task, but she managed to tell her story. The whiskey helped, too.

It was almost midnight when she finished the book, closing it, finally. Finally, letting go of the past, or at least stitching the wound.

The silence stood between them, a stone hard wall separation them. It was out, all of it.

“And you still loved me?”, Regina asked, sinking into the ocean of information. Did Snow still loved her, even when she had tried so desperately to destroy her?

“It was always you. It was always you the one and only for me. It has taken me some time to see it, to acknowledge it, but I see it now, clearer than ever. Even then, I loved you”.

It was easier said than done. Neither of them moved, they were static for at least twenty minutes, thinking about their lives so far, with and without the other around. What could they say, now? What should they do?

It was Snow who broke the silence.

“I understand this is a lot of information, that you may be confused, or hurt… I will give you your space. I will fix my relationship with David, being with him when I have these feelings for you is wrong, and I want to do the right thing for once. Just know that you don’t have to do anything about it if you don’t want to; I don’t expect you to reciprocate, to feel the same way about me. You don’t owe me anything”. Snow wanted to say that she wanted to make her happy, that she wanted what was best for her, that she wanted to be a real _hero_ for once, but that would have been a manipulative thing to do on her side, and she wanted to do the right thing. That meant not using your feelings and intentions to convince anyone of anything.

She went upstairs, finding the typical spare room that Emma and Ruby had used before. She knew she would have to go home and talk to her husband, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it, not then. Instead, she settled for a queen size bed in a blank room. She hoped Regina read her letter.

Regina opened the letter, but it took her some hours and some cheap vodka Ruby had left the night of the party to read it. She smoked half of the cigarettes. She drank two glasses of vodka with pineapple juice. She was ready, she thought. She was wrong.

_Dear Regina,_

_I am aware of how much damage I have caused you, and unlike other people in your life, my actions were even more painful because I justified them. I have spent the last six years revisiting myself, my beliefs, my ideals, my actions, my words. I thought I was being a good person, but it turns out I wasn’t. I should have known how much pain you were enduring, but I didn’t. Better said, I decided to ignore it. I held so long onto what I believed you were, that I forgot there was real person behind the character I had made of you. I won’t justify my actions no more, it would be cruel and sadistic to keep making up excuses for what I did, to keep making a hero of myself in front of everybody._

_I won’t lie to you anymore; I am tired of lying. My first instinct after our argument was to gather everyone around and tell them the truth of who Snow White is, but that would imply telling them the reality of who you were, and no body needs to know what you went through. Your pain is part of your story, and no one but you should tell that story. That being said, I realized a long time ago who I was. I was selfish, I was conniving. I did whatever I could to keep you by my side at all times, even if I was trapping you somewhere you didn’t belong. I adored you so much 8at least that was what I thought) that I didn’t hesitate on making you an idol, stripping you of all your faults and fears, making you invincible, unreal. _

_Now I see, you had to deal with inhuman situations, with monsters, and I was afraid of addressing it. I should have helped you, but I didn’t, even if I had every resource to do so. I was comfortable with that life, and any other alternative was a bad idea._

_We can’t go back in time, God knows I wished we could, but we only have the present and the future. And I don’t want to cause you any more pain. I have to make amends with the fact that the Regina I thought I knew is dead. It’s an unavoidable reality. That’s why I’ve decided to step back, to exit your life. My presence hurts, and God forbid I hurt you again, ever again. Nonetheless, I have to apologise before I leave._

_Regina, I am sorry. I am sorry for deliberately ignoring your issues. I am sorry for imposing myself, for forcing myself to you in any way possible. I am sorry for trying to keep up a charade back then, back now too, without any regards for your feelings. I am sorry for manipulating you, for betraying you over and over. I am sorry for making you unhappy, and I am sorry for making you play house with me, for making you grow up faster than you should have. I am sorry for not stepping up and using the power I knew I had when you needed help, for not killing my father, although I knew in some extent what was going on. I am sorry for putting my own benefit above your relationship, and for the consequences of it. I am sorry, I truly am, for contributing to your solitude and sadness, for feeding your anger towards the world. I am sorry for believing you when you said you were fine, when it was clear you weren’t; I ignored it, it didn’t fit my world. I am sorry for pretending to be someone else, for lying to you, making my way into your new life. I am sorry because I keep making the same mistakes, over and over, in any universe._

_Above all, I have to apologise, because I was (I still am) so in love with you, that I keep doing things not only because I want to make you happy, but because I expect something in return._

_I understand if you want to put some distance between us, if you want me to disappear from your life. As long as you are happy, I will be happy as well. I wish you the very best, the family you had always wanted. A successful life, a wonderful future, and a peaceful present._

_Never forget who you are, that’s all I have to ask from you. The woman I fell in love with was brave, selfless, caring. She risked her own life to save a stranger. She endured a lifetime of pain, but she kept going on, with a smile on her face. I want to believe that the warm inside of her heart never ceased to exist. She was bright, quick with her words, and her laughs were like diamonds. Her eyes are the most beautiful jewel anyone can have, and she loves with such a passion, that it’s impossible not to be elated if she is by your side._

_She died a little bit, but I have faith she’ll come back._

_When she knocks on your door, let her in. You won’t regret it._

_Love, Snow_

When Regina finished the letter, she was torn. Had she known the whole truth, things would have been different. Had she known, her own life would have different. But Snow was right, the past can’t be changed. Regina wondered, for a moment, if she could have a future with her. If she called Mary Margaret instead of Snow. If she pretended she was just a schoolteacher. If she pretended they had just met.

She had to try.

She headed upstairs. It was 3 a.m., and she was slightly drunk (she had needed several drinks to finish the letter), but she needed to do it. She needed to, at least, try.

On the other side of the town, a man made a decision. After much thinking, he had to admit the truth in front of his eyes. He had to do it, he had to end that madness.

David Nolan had made a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is not what you expected, perhaps, but I had to something about that argument! Next chapter will be all about side characters, exploring how they view what's going on and how they feel. I get the feelings that the chapters are gonna get longer and longer because I have so many issues to tackle, that shortening it seems like a crime. Again, thanks for reading and supporting. If I keep writing this story, it's because there's people who make me do it. Also, the love triangle is already solved, but I won't tell you what's gonna happen because this is the beginning of that journey, so now you'll have to find out what's gonna happen (which I hope is not that obvious). Some people will have to make a decision, some people will suffer, some others will have to confront their past...


	11. Pretty face and Electric soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... I haven't posted in a long time but... You know... Nah, let's not make any excuse. So, I decided to pause all the love drama for a while and focus on what's important here: peace in SB doesn't last longer. A special guest on this chapter, and the beginning to all the answers. I hope you guys enjoy it.

When Regina entered the room, she had to reconsider what she was doing. She was easy to manipulate, even if no one had wanted to. The woman who became a mastermind later was back then a simple girl, who had no idea what she was doing. Snow’s words moved her, something shifted on her heart. Regina was good at pretending, so she pretended that night. She pretended everything was okay, she pretended she could live a normal life, that she could leave the past behind.

When she entered that room, all she wanted was to pretend.

“Are you awake?”, she asked. Snow had gone to sleep with her clothes on, not bothering to put the sheets over her cold body. She was facing the door, with her eyes closed, but she was not entirely asleep.

“More or less”, she answered with a rough voice, not from the sleep but from the lack of use. She had spent hours without mustering a word, and it was hard for her throat to make the right sounds. She got up, turning on the light on the nightstand. “Do you want to talk?”, she suggested.

Regina got closer, she sat on the bed, next to the woman who had grown up so much, changed so much, and it was all because of her. Whether it was for the better or for the worse, she had changed because of Regina’s actions and words.

They sat side by side, and Regina wasted no time. The more she thought, the more she would regret doing what she was about to do.

She leaned in closer, a clumsy kiss. Snow didn’t move, it took her by surprise, and by the time her mind reacted, she didn’t want to move. She knew it was wrong, of course it was, but her egoistical side surfaced, and she didn’t want to break it. It was merely a touch, lips connecting, but it meant the world to a princess who had dreamt too much about that moment, about an illusion becoming a reality.

She touched her face, as gently as she could, and Regina let her face melt with the pale hand. It could be good, a good choice, a good option, a good decision. But usually, the good does not implies the right. When they broke apart, the shorter one leaned in closer, launching herself over the girl in front of her. She kissed her again, with a bit more of passion. It wasn’t intentional, she swore it, it just came naturally. When Snow let her body rest over the mattress and Regina put herself on top, it felt organic too. When two pair of hands wondered over the other’s body underneath the clothes, it felt organic.

But it was rather fast, and Regina felt uncomfortable. It didn’t feel like she thought it would feel, and she had to stop it. She wanted to say ‘no’, but she had no idea how. She had never been given the choice of saying ‘no’.

“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”, the green eyes in front of her asked, and she felt relived because yes, she wanted to stop. Those green eyes, they were a reminder of a life that had been left behind, a long time ago.

“I’m not sure if I can do this, I need a moment. I’m sorry”, she said, in such a rush that Snow had to make an effort to understand what she was saying.

“Don’t apologise, it’s okay. Really, relax”, she said, rubbing Regina’s back with soothing circles. “Don’t pressure yourself, nobody’s judging you. It’s okay, you don’t _have_ to do this”. By the way Snow said that, Regina knew she didn’t have to explain anything: Snow knew that Regina felt that pressure to please someone, but she was safe there. She wasn’t obliged to have sex with anyone. She appreciated that. “We could just lay down for a while, I could cuddle you if you want”, she added, and her nervous giggle made Regina smile. She could do that, the cuddles. She could do the comfort, the innocent domesticity.

But she kept thinking about Snow’s husband and how much of a homewrecker she would be if she kept pretending he didn’t exist.

“I think I shouldn’t sleep here tonight. You still have to talk to your husband and I… I can’t do this. Now with this big situation around us”, she said. Regina had grown up with a similar system than Snow’s: if you do the right thing, you will get applauses; if they don’t applaud, it’s because you haven’t been good enough, or because your work is not good enough. Regina realized soon that it was consuming, because people don’t clap for you that often, and if they do, it’s because you pleased them, not _you_. Perhaps if she slept with Snow, the brunette would clap for her, but she would be betraying her beliefs. She wanted to reject that system, to get it out of _her system_. She wanted to maintain her beliefs, and rule number one of those beliefs was to never harm anyone to your own benefit.

When she fell asleep, she dreamt. She dreamt of all the people she had lost. She dreamt of her father. Now that she knew he was dead, she missed him. As devoted as he was to her, he was still a coward. He thought he could fix his absence in her childhood with presents from his trips. He thought his words were healing when she had another broken bone. He thought he was doing something, but he wasn’t doing shit. And she adored him, because he recognized his flaws and he always tried to do better, but it was never enough. She had often wished he was away, forever, because that way… that way she could be completely hopeless, completely lonely, and she wouldn’t have to pretend to be happy in front of anyone.

And now that he was gone for good, she missed him.

The next morning, she went to the gym. She was starting to exercise, to get fitter, and it was stress relieving too. It felt good to just disconnect and sweat. Regina had always loved the adventure, the thrill of the exercise. This was the closest thing she had in comparison with how things were back home. What motivated her as well was that Ruby would go there. She was starting to work out too, and Regina just loved to be near someone she knew in that strange city. Ruby was comfort, someone to chat while doing push-ups, someone to share her music with during the weightlifting.

But then again, Regina was falling hard for Ruby, so it wasn’t as comfortable as it should have been, not after that night with Snow. Regina could only be a person’s girl, she couldn’t love several people, it was not the way she was. Sometimes, life had decided for her, so she wouldn’t have to. Now, she was the one who had to pick who she wanted to be with, and it was really hard because, in all fairness, the three women gave her something unique and special. They all had their cons and pros, and Regina had no idea how loved worked. Not really, even if she held Daniel really close in her heart. She had no idea what she could give to each of them, and the stress building a barrier around her was not helping. That barrier was about to broke. She had never been good when it came to patience. At that point, she was tired of being patient, even though she knew she had to, for the sake of everyone around her.

Ruby was sweet, funny, wild. She was fearless, she didn’t care about the consequences as long as she had lived life to the fullest; however, she wasn’t selfish: she didn’t want to hurt anyone, she just wanted freedom. She would disobey her grandmother, but she wouldn’t hurt her. If she did, she would apologise.

That was something Regina valued, that Ruby admitted she had been wrong. It was something that Snow couldn’t give her. Snow was warm, comforting, caring. She made sure everyone around her was okay, and she made sure everyone around her felt good at all times; however, Snow was also a bit selfish, or more like possessive, and she couldn’t let her pride rest. She had to be right, otherwise she would turn whatever situation into a personal attack. But then again, Snow knew how to be serious when a real problem arose.

Emma couldn’t do that. She could apologise and take care, but she couldn’t stop being a dork. Sometimes Regina was thankful for it, but it seemed that, usually, Emma had no idea how to be an adult. She had no idea how to keep up her posture when someone was suffering, how to help them besides the obvious dad joke. She was reckless in a good way, selfless and kind, and Regina appreciated that, but Emma needed to learn how to listen and just shut up.

So, the queen was confronted with three different options: the princess, the knight, or the wolf. She had to choose. That’s why, with Ruby by her side, both girls walking back to the Diner, Regina spoke up her mind.

“I want you to compete for me”, she said, and Ruby turned around with a smile on her face. Regina had to be joking. See, the brunette was brilliant, a true genius, but she was also kindhearted and funny. Although, Regina’s humor was darker, a bit crueler, especially when it was aimed at herself. So, of course, Regina was joking about it. “I want the three of you to compete for me, because I have to make a choice and I have no idea what I want. So, please, Ruby… try to win me”, she said, and Ruby couldn’t laugh this time. Was she seriously asking them to fight for her love? It wasn’t a narcissistic thing, Regina was well aware that Emma, Snow and Ruby had feeling for her. Regardless, that was an insane proposition. Ruby couldn’t fight her best friends for a girl, and neither would they fight their own flesh and bone for a girl. Yeah, Regina was one of a kind, but she wasn’t that important.

“No, I’m not gonna fight against my friends for a girl. Forget about it”, Ruby said, with a little bit of hurt in her voice. To be honest, the other reason she wasn’t going to fight was because she wouldn’t win. Emma shared a child with Regina, no one could top that, and Snow shared a lifetime with Regina, no one could top that. Ruby was the leftovers, the second best.

If Regina hadn’t chosen her already, she wasn’t going to fight.

They didn’t have much time left to think about it, though, because the Town Hall was blown away. Everyone scattered around, looking for a place to refugee themselves and those they loved. There were pieces of the building flying around, and Regina couldn’t think about it twice. She was a big shard of glass coming her way, but a pair of kids were in front of her. They would never be fast enough to avoid that big glass stab them. Without a second though, she directed her magic towards the flying bricks and windows and paralised them in the air. Once they were neutralized, she let them down slowly, gently. Everyone around her was at awe, wondering how that could have happened, but Regina couldn’t pay any attention to them.

“Don’t move!”, she shouted as Granny and David approached her. She needed everyone to keep still, she could feel magic around. Another blow was coming. “Get down!”, she shouted again, and the people around didn’t move until the Diner blew out. That’s when everyone got down, and Regina was smart enough to be prepared for it. She paralised half of the destruction and avoided any human loss or hurt. She was stronger than ever, but she didn’t know that. In that exact moment, with her hair flying around and the purple strings of magic coming from her hands, she looked like a goddess.

She knew who was doing that. It was her mother, who else would be?

Cora appeared out of nowhere, with someone by her side, chained by magic. “Dearest, I finally found you!”, she said. “Why didn’t you tell me I had a grandson?”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what can I say? Cora needs to be here, we all know that. Now, she has Henry? What does she want from Regina? And where's the actual real Regina? Because this one can't fight her... or can she?


End file.
